Review: BRUISED by Tanya Boteju

 

Bruised by Tanya Boteju
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

To Daya Wijesinghe, a bruise is a mixture of comfort and control. Since her parents died in an accident she survived, bruises have become a way to keep her pain on the surface of her skin so she doesn’t need to deal with the ache deep in her heart.

So when chance and circumstances bring her to a roller derby bout, Daya is hooked. Yes, the rules are confusing and the sport seems to require the kind of teamwork and human interaction Daya generally avoids. But the opportunities to bruise are countless, and Daya realizes that if she’s going to keep her emotional pain at bay, she’ll need all the opportunities she can get.

The deeper Daya immerses herself into the world of roller derby, though, the more she realizes it’s not the simple physical pain-fest she was hoping for. Her rough-and-tumble teammates and their fans push her limits in ways she never imagined, bringing  Daya to big truths about love, loss, strength, and healing.

— 

This is the first book I’ve read that acknowledges one of he ‘less common’ forms of self-harm: bruising. I’ve recently come to realise that I like YA books that are about pain and hurt and despair. And for that reason, I picked up this book as soon as I heard of it. Bonus: it’s about roller derby. I LOVE skating. Right away, I knew I’d love this book and I wasn’t wrong.

But I actually loved it even more than I expected to. We’ve got an f/f relationship (I loved Shanti as soon as I met her!) and nearly every character is queer and of colour.

Daya Wijesinghe is grieving her parents’ deaths after she was the sole survivor of a car accident. She blames herself, thinking she caused it by being ‘too soft’ (her parents were arguing about her losing a boxing match when the accident occurred). Thus we have 18 year old Daya who’s trying to prove she’s “hard” and “strong” and who despises anything she perceives as weakness. She won’t talk to her friends about her feelings, she won’t hug anyone, and she won’t connect to her uncle and aunt who she now lives with it. There is just so much anger inside Daya, and she is drawn to roller derby because it’s a contact sport where she can bruise herself more and more. She can slam into others. She can hurt and be hurt. She can feel pain.

And then there is Shanti and her sister Kat. Both are troubled girls, but they cope in different ways. Shanti is ‘soft’ and connected to her emotions. Kat is ‘hard’ and puts up walls around herself. Kat is the leader of the roller derby team that Daya auditions for, and there’s a weird attraction triangle and jealousy between the two sisters.

While nearly all the characters are queer, with the exception of the older lesbian couple (who are great!), none of them are really labelled as being LGBTQIA+. They just are.

This book is full of strong characters, and it’s a book that examines team sports, rivalry, pain, hurt, healing, self-hatred, self-harm, guilt, grief, and death. Highly recommended.

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Review: TOXIC by Natasha Devon

 

Toxic by Natasha Green
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Llewella has straight-A grades, a lead in the school play, a prefect badge, a successful blog and a comfortable life. Despite this, she feels like a brown, chubby square peg at a school full of thin, white girls. She's never had a best friend. Could the new student at sixth form - glamorous, streetwise Aretha - be the one? Llewella and Aretha get tight, quick. Before long, Llewella is following a diet Aretha has designed for her and has abandoned her own passions to dive headfirst into Aretha's world. She's determined to be the most loyal, greatest friend she can be, even when Aretha says and does things which make her feel the opposite of great. Even when the anxiety disorder she thought was cured starts to re-emerge. Isn't that how friendships work?

—

This was one of those books I just couldn’t stop reading. I devoured it in two days, even reading until 5am because I just had to finish it.

This book tells the story of Llewella and her new friend, Aretha. And right from the start, we can see that Aretha is a toxic, manipulative friend. I love stories that look at twisted relationships, and I think this is now one of my favourite books about manipulative and toxic female friendships (my other favourite is Genuine Fraud by E. Lockhart).

The friendship portrayed in Toxic is so one-sided, and so many times I just wanted to scream at Llewella to get away from Aretha.

Llewella has anxiety and panic attacks. Aretha pretends she’s good with these, but she’s not. She undermines Llewella’s mental health struggles constantly, and then she herself claims to have bipolar, referring to it as a ‘real’ disorder—oh and she isn’t diagnosed and won’t see a doctor. My jaw hit the floor here. It seems Aretha uses her self-diagnosis as a way to excuse what a horrible person she’s being. She emotionally abused Llewella constantly and it’s so obvious to readers. I was screaming inside as I read this. I don’t think I’ve ever hated a character as much as I hate Aretha. she calls Llewella fat and gives her a meal plan. Llewella spirals into eating disorder territory because of this, but it’s Aretha doing her a favour, ‘improving’ her. Aretha takes over the blog that Llewella started and then makes her start a new brand with her. Llewella’s money goes into it, of course. Aretha wants Llewella to be dependent on her, but then she abandons her at several points, one time in London zone 1, despite Aretha having panic attacks. 

Aretha makes it clear she thinks mental illness is a conspiracy, that it’s something that means the person isn’t strong or resilient (she also is fatphobic and claims a character with PCOS is plus-sized because of lack of discipline and illnesses can’t cause it—Llewella tackles her on this, but of course Aretha turns it around so Llewella is wrong). She uses Llewella’s anxiety against her, so when we do get Aretha saying she thinks she is bipolar, that was immensely interesting. Because, she could have bipolar disorder. But still that doesn’t excuse her treatment of her supposed best friend. And she’s a horrible person. At the start of the book, Llewella is happy, a straight A* student, has an important part in a play, and has a blog and other friends. Not too long after she’s friends with Aretha, Llewella is unhappy, her grades are dropping, she’s got an eating disorder, her panic attacks worsen, she’s in therapy, she gives up the play (as Aretha says she’s got to prioritise), loses her other friends, and she basically loses who she is.  The mental illness rep is phenomenal. Half the time, Aretha is suddenly annoyed with Llewella for no apparent reason, making Llewella’s anxiety much worse. And it amazed me how whenever Aretha was mean to Llewella and Llewella tackled her about it, Aretha turned it round. Seconds later, Llewella was justifying Aretha’s reaction and blaming herself. Classic gaslighting. This is the kind of relationship you see in abusive romantic relationships, and those are covered in books a lot. But this is the first time I’ve seen it done in friendship. And we need this book. 

I really liked how Llewella has a supportive network of women (and her grandfather) around her. These women give her the strength to end the brand with Aretha and gain back some of her happiness. 

This book also tackles racial issues. Both Aretha and Llewella are mixed race, and one example is Aretha is annoyed that Llewella gets a TV opportunity that she doesn’t. She blames it on Llewella being lighter skinned than she is, and tells Llewella to turn the opportunity. Even though it’s what Llewella really wants, and she gets the opportunity because of the blog that she started, two years before she even met Aretha. It appeared to me that Aretha felt entitled to getting the TV role and when Llewella got it instead, she blamed it on racial prejudice. And yes, there could be those reasons in it too, but for me (though I acknowledge I am a white reader), Llewella clearly deserved it. It was her blog. She had done the work. And Aretha clearly didn’t want Llewella to succeed. So while this book does shine a light on the important issue of racial discrimination, it largely does this while also emphasising the toxic character that Aretha was.  But there are Black characters, such as Steph, who also encourage readers to think about race and privilege, and this is done in an unproblematic way—though of course Aretha hates Steph, disagreeing with everything she says, until she can then say the same things to attack Llewella. 

Huge thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for the ARC. This is highly recommending reading and I think it should actually be compulsory reading for teenagers in schools.

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Review: Maggie Sparks and the Monster Baby by Steve Smallman

 

Maggie Sparks and the Monster Baby by Steve Smallman
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This is such a fun read. I’d say it’s for children around 5-8 years old. It features a mixed-race family of witches, and we see what happens when Maggie is jealous of her new baby brother and decides to cast a spell on herself to make her cuter too. The spell backfires in both a hilarious and poignant way, but we see how much the parents still love Maggie.
It’s a short read, and the illustrations are great.I particularly liked Bat the Chameleon, Maggie’s pet.
Thank you to NetGalley for the arc.

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Review: Never Tell A Lie by Gail Schimmel

 

Never Tell A Lie by Gail Schimmel
My rating: 4.5 of 5 stars

This is my first book by Gail Schimmel and I will definitely be reading more. Never Tell a Lie is a rather tame domestic suspense novel, but it’s engaging and I couldn’t read it fast enough. I love stories about complex friendships and complex female characters. A school reunion has main character Mary becoming best friends with old schoolmate April—even if Mary can’t actually remember April from them.

There are so many secrets wrapped up inside this novel. April has a dark past linking to an event at school; April and Leo’s marriage is abusive but the big question for a long time is who is the abuser; and Mary discovers her long dead mother isn’t actually dead.

But the big plot centres around April—Mary believes her husband is abusing her, as all the signs are there, but Leo spins a convincing tale as he tries to persuade Mary that he’s the one being abused. Given we know April has done bad things in the past, this is plausible too, and the plot evolves into this twisty narrative where we and Mary are trying to work out who is telling the truth.

Spoilers ahead: So, April’s character was so well written and developed for a long time. Leo’s character had less page-time, and so when he managed to persuade Mary to help get April sectioned in a psychiatric unit, I was surprised by how quickly that happened. And then we end up with time-jumps
Suddenly weeks have passed and Mary is on her third date with Leo—where she discovers the truth, that April was telling the truth all along. And while I like that this is a great #MeToo story showing how men can hide their abusive actions and appear charming to others, I really felt like this ending was just too rushed. It felt like it all happened too quickly, like the pacing was off. This is my only complaint about the book, and so it’s a 4.5 star read for me.

All the characters were all so well written, especially Mary’s son Django and her new boyfriend Joshua and her old friend Stacey. Even Mary’s parents felt real.

The writing is well done and sophisticated.

While I usually gravitate toward suspense novels with more action, this one still had me gripped. 

Thank you to NetGalley for the arc. 

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Review: NANNY DEAREST by Flora Collins

 

Nanny Dearest by Flora Collins
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Firstly, thank you to the publisher and NetGalley for my review copy. Nanny Dearest is a complex examination of character—both of an unhinged woman and a woman who is looking for a connection.

When Sue meets the woman who was her nanny twenty years ago, she wants to reconnect with her as a way of becoming close to her family, as her parents are both dead. But the nanny, Annaliese, is a bit…odd. I mean, at the start, it’s just minor things. Things that can be explained away. But then we see her isolating Sue from her friends, becoming possessive and gaslighting her. Sue keeps coming across things that don’t make sense, yet Annaliese always comes up with a reason for these things. Alarm bells were ringing. It is an example of one adult grooming another. 

The relationship between the two women made me uncomfortable. It’s a really intense friendship, where Annaliese is making Sue dependent on her. Any time Sue tries to see other people, Annaliese puts a stop to it. Really uncomfortable to read. 

This book is told in two POVs, Sue’s in the present day and Annaliese in the past. And it’s these trips down memory lane that show Annaliese’s past behaviours around and toward Sue and her warped way of thinking that really ramp up the tension. Readers realise Annaliese isn’t telling the truth about what happened, yet adult Sue is now ensnared in her web of lies and desperate to trust her.

This felt like more of a slow-burning suspense novel than a psychological thriller. Indeed, at times, I found the pacing too slow and the middle section had me a little bored. But I was fascinated enough by Annaliese’s character to keep reading. There’s something addictive about this story.

It becomes clear that Annaliese is mentally unwell, and I have to say this representation is amazing. We learn the reasons behind her behaviour and how she justifies her actions. It’s an insight into a very warped mind.

Would recommend.

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Review: HOW WE FALL APART by Katie Zhao

 

How We Fall Apart by Katie Zhao
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

3.5 stars

I liked this book, but I really wanted to love it, but unfortunately I found parts were just a bit…flat. I think if I’d read this before One of us is Lying I’d have enjoyed it a lot more. As it was, I just kept thinking of that book. But with How We Fall Apart, I kept thinking it felt a little formulaic. One by one, the Proctor revealed the secrets of the main characters, but each time we knew a mew secret was coming as we’d been warned and the book gets into this repetitive pattern with the reveal of secrets, so none of them really felt like a big twist for me—until the ending. The ending is good and made me like the novel more.

But each time when one of the secrets was revealed, it didn’t really seem to have any lasting impact on the characters. The consequences shown seemed a bit flat, and then a couple chapters later, it felt like those had been forgotten completely.

What I did really like about this book though was that it has all Asian leads, and it looks at the impact of class divisions and the dark academia that appears married to wealth. Jamie was a complex character. She’s rich but unhappy. She’s entitled and expects to win everything and will do whatever it takes to get rid of her competition. Jamie is also sharp-tongued and mean, and I have to confess I was sad she was the one killed off because I found her more interesting than Nancy, the POV character.

While Nancy did a great job of looking at the social-economic relationships and classes and what it meant to be the only poor kid on a scholarship at a school full of dark, twisted, rich kids, I didn’t really connect to her in the way I’d hoped. Instead, I found myself connecting much more to Jamie and Krystal.

I even remember thinking at one point that I wished we got Krystal’s POV. Her secret when it was revealed was powerful and made me take note, and I wanted more on it. I wanted to see more the psychological impact this had on her. 

Thinking about this book more, I think there’s a lot of places where we could’ve gone deeper, not just I’m showing subplots and impacts of reveals lasting longer, but even with the portrayal of grief. It almost feels like no one is genuinely grieving for Jamie, and I know Nancy and nearly every character fell out with her before she was murdered, but Nancy and Jamie were best friends for years beforehand. I felt there should’ve been some more genuine grief, perhaps ensnared under feelings of hatred, especially as we have alternate timelines showing they were friends—even if the relationship wasn’t equal due to wealth and class differences. 

There is also a student/teacher relationship type thing in this book too. That was handled really well. 

All in all, it’s a good read and it covers some important topics. Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for my ARC copy.

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Review: THE MAID by Nita Prose

 

The Maid by Nita Prose
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

This is a phenomenal book.

The writing is so, so strong, and Molly’s voice is fantastic. Molly Gray is twenty-five, a maid, and she sees the world differently to most people. She struggles with social interactions, taking everything at face value and interpreting things literally. She’s not a good judge of character as she’s way too trusting. And that becomes her downfall when others use this against her to set her up for the murder of a pm important client at the hotel she works for.

Molly discovers wealthy client Mr Black is dead when she goes to clean his room, and because she doesn’t act as others expect her to, she quickly becomes a suspect in the police investigation. The real murderers realise this and use it to their advantage, framing her more and more.

I couldn’t get over how amazingly well written Molly is. It’s first-person narrative and we’re in her head, seeing her thought processes and how she reacts differently. Yet it also very much clear to readers who the bad characters are from the start, despite us only ever seeing them through Molly!s eyes where she believes they are good and trustworthy. This is simply a masterful piece of craft.

All the characters are so well written, and every time I felt like I knew Molly, there was a surprise or a twist in store. This book is tense, and I read the whole thing in a couple of days. Really, really recommend it to everyone who likes stories of neurodivergence, thrillers, suspense, and strong characters. 

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for the ARC.   

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