Review: IDENTICAL by Ellen Hopkins

 

Identical by Ellen Hopkins
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Do twins begin in the womb?
Or in a better place?

Kaeleigh and Raeanne are identical down to the dimple. As daughters of a district-court judge father and a politician mother, they are an all-American family—on the surface. Behind the facade each sister has her own dark secret, and that's where their differences begin.

For Kaeleigh, she's the misplaced focus of Daddy's love, intended for a mother whose presence on the campaign trail means absence at home. All that Raeanne sees is Daddy playing a game of favorites—and she is losing. If she has to lose, she will do it on her own terms, so she chooses drugs, alcohol, and sex.

Secrets like the ones the twins are harboring are not meant to be kept—from each other or anyone else. Pretty soon it's obvious that neither sister can handle it alone, and one sister must step up to save the other, but the question is—who?

—

It’s taken me a little while to write this review, but honestly, this book was amazing. I’m a massive fan of verse novels, and Hopkins has to be one of the best verse novelists I’ve read so far. IDENTICAL is the story of Kaeleigh and Raeanne (I listened to the audiobook so I only just looked up the spelling of their names!), and they are identical twins, but Hopkins really shows how different they are.

The contrasts between them were beautifully done—and that just made the twist at the end all the more powerful. I did not see that coming, and it was expertly done!

This book covers some difficult topics: child sexual abuse at the hands of a parent, death, grief, mental illness (including disordered eating and dissociative personality disorder/multiple personality disorder—I don’t know the correct term, sorry!). But it also looks at positives too: Support of (good) family members, friendships and supportive relationship.

The writing itself is lyrical, poignant, powerful, and stunning. Listening to this was a delight—which is kind of a weird thing to say, given what this story was about. I now recommend this novel to my students as an example of verse storytelling.

View all my reviews

Review: Maggie Sparks and the Monster Baby by Steve Smallman

 

Maggie Sparks and the Monster Baby by Steve Smallman
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This is such a fun read. I’d say it’s for children around 5-8 years old. It features a mixed-race family of witches, and we see what happens when Maggie is jealous of her new baby brother and decides to cast a spell on herself to make her cuter too. The spell backfires in both a hilarious and poignant way, but we see how much the parents still love Maggie.
It’s a short read, and the illustrations are great.I particularly liked Bat the Chameleon, Maggie’s pet.
Thank you to NetGalley for the arc.

View all my reviews

Review: Never Tell A Lie by Gail Schimmel

 

Never Tell A Lie by Gail Schimmel
My rating: 4.5 of 5 stars

This is my first book by Gail Schimmel and I will definitely be reading more. Never Tell a Lie is a rather tame domestic suspense novel, but it’s engaging and I couldn’t read it fast enough. I love stories about complex friendships and complex female characters. A school reunion has main character Mary becoming best friends with old schoolmate April—even if Mary can’t actually remember April from them.

There are so many secrets wrapped up inside this novel. April has a dark past linking to an event at school; April and Leo’s marriage is abusive but the big question for a long time is who is the abuser; and Mary discovers her long dead mother isn’t actually dead.

But the big plot centres around April—Mary believes her husband is abusing her, as all the signs are there, but Leo spins a convincing tale as he tries to persuade Mary that he’s the one being abused. Given we know April has done bad things in the past, this is plausible too, and the plot evolves into this twisty narrative where we and Mary are trying to work out who is telling the truth.

Spoilers ahead: So, April’s character was so well written and developed for a long time. Leo’s character had less page-time, and so when he managed to persuade Mary to help get April sectioned in a psychiatric unit, I was surprised by how quickly that happened. And then we end up with time-jumps
Suddenly weeks have passed and Mary is on her third date with Leo—where she discovers the truth, that April was telling the truth all along. And while I like that this is a great #MeToo story showing how men can hide their abusive actions and appear charming to others, I really felt like this ending was just too rushed. It felt like it all happened too quickly, like the pacing was off. This is my only complaint about the book, and so it’s a 4.5 star read for me.

All the characters were all so well written, especially Mary’s son Django and her new boyfriend Joshua and her old friend Stacey. Even Mary’s parents felt real.

The writing is well done and sophisticated.

While I usually gravitate toward suspense novels with more action, this one still had me gripped. 

Thank you to NetGalley for the arc. 

View all my reviews

Review: NANNY DEAREST by Flora Collins

 

Nanny Dearest by Flora Collins
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Firstly, thank you to the publisher and NetGalley for my review copy. Nanny Dearest is a complex examination of character—both of an unhinged woman and a woman who is looking for a connection.

When Sue meets the woman who was her nanny twenty years ago, she wants to reconnect with her as a way of becoming close to her family, as her parents are both dead. But the nanny, Annaliese, is a bit…odd. I mean, at the start, it’s just minor things. Things that can be explained away. But then we see her isolating Sue from her friends, becoming possessive and gaslighting her. Sue keeps coming across things that don’t make sense, yet Annaliese always comes up with a reason for these things. Alarm bells were ringing. It is an example of one adult grooming another. 

The relationship between the two women made me uncomfortable. It’s a really intense friendship, where Annaliese is making Sue dependent on her. Any time Sue tries to see other people, Annaliese puts a stop to it. Really uncomfortable to read. 

This book is told in two POVs, Sue’s in the present day and Annaliese in the past. And it’s these trips down memory lane that show Annaliese’s past behaviours around and toward Sue and her warped way of thinking that really ramp up the tension. Readers realise Annaliese isn’t telling the truth about what happened, yet adult Sue is now ensnared in her web of lies and desperate to trust her.

This felt like more of a slow-burning suspense novel than a psychological thriller. Indeed, at times, I found the pacing too slow and the middle section had me a little bored. But I was fascinated enough by Annaliese’s character to keep reading. There’s something addictive about this story.

It becomes clear that Annaliese is mentally unwell, and I have to say this representation is amazing. We learn the reasons behind her behaviour and how she justifies her actions. It’s an insight into a very warped mind.

Would recommend.

View all my reviews

Review: HOW WE FALL APART by Katie Zhao

 

How We Fall Apart by Katie Zhao
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

3.5 stars

I liked this book, but I really wanted to love it, but unfortunately I found parts were just a bit…flat. I think if I’d read this before One of us is Lying I’d have enjoyed it a lot more. As it was, I just kept thinking of that book. But with How We Fall Apart, I kept thinking it felt a little formulaic. One by one, the Proctor revealed the secrets of the main characters, but each time we knew a mew secret was coming as we’d been warned and the book gets into this repetitive pattern with the reveal of secrets, so none of them really felt like a big twist for me—until the ending. The ending is good and made me like the novel more.

But each time when one of the secrets was revealed, it didn’t really seem to have any lasting impact on the characters. The consequences shown seemed a bit flat, and then a couple chapters later, it felt like those had been forgotten completely.

What I did really like about this book though was that it has all Asian leads, and it looks at the impact of class divisions and the dark academia that appears married to wealth. Jamie was a complex character. She’s rich but unhappy. She’s entitled and expects to win everything and will do whatever it takes to get rid of her competition. Jamie is also sharp-tongued and mean, and I have to confess I was sad she was the one killed off because I found her more interesting than Nancy, the POV character.

While Nancy did a great job of looking at the social-economic relationships and classes and what it meant to be the only poor kid on a scholarship at a school full of dark, twisted, rich kids, I didn’t really connect to her in the way I’d hoped. Instead, I found myself connecting much more to Jamie and Krystal.

I even remember thinking at one point that I wished we got Krystal’s POV. Her secret when it was revealed was powerful and made me take note, and I wanted more on it. I wanted to see more the psychological impact this had on her. 

Thinking about this book more, I think there’s a lot of places where we could’ve gone deeper, not just I’m showing subplots and impacts of reveals lasting longer, but even with the portrayal of grief. It almost feels like no one is genuinely grieving for Jamie, and I know Nancy and nearly every character fell out with her before she was murdered, but Nancy and Jamie were best friends for years beforehand. I felt there should’ve been some more genuine grief, perhaps ensnared under feelings of hatred, especially as we have alternate timelines showing they were friends—even if the relationship wasn’t equal due to wealth and class differences. 

There is also a student/teacher relationship type thing in this book too. That was handled really well. 

All in all, it’s a good read and it covers some important topics. Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for my ARC copy.

View all my reviews

Review: THE MAID by Nita Prose

 

The Maid by Nita Prose
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

This is a phenomenal book.

The writing is so, so strong, and Molly’s voice is fantastic. Molly Gray is twenty-five, a maid, and she sees the world differently to most people. She struggles with social interactions, taking everything at face value and interpreting things literally. She’s not a good judge of character as she’s way too trusting. And that becomes her downfall when others use this against her to set her up for the murder of a pm important client at the hotel she works for.

Molly discovers wealthy client Mr Black is dead when she goes to clean his room, and because she doesn’t act as others expect her to, she quickly becomes a suspect in the police investigation. The real murderers realise this and use it to their advantage, framing her more and more.

I couldn’t get over how amazingly well written Molly is. It’s first-person narrative and we’re in her head, seeing her thought processes and how she reacts differently. Yet it also very much clear to readers who the bad characters are from the start, despite us only ever seeing them through Molly!s eyes where she believes they are good and trustworthy. This is simply a masterful piece of craft.

All the characters are so well written, and every time I felt like I knew Molly, there was a surprise or a twist in store. This book is tense, and I read the whole thing in a couple of days. Really, really recommend it to everyone who likes stories of neurodivergence, thrillers, suspense, and strong characters. 

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for the ARC.   

View all my reviews

Review: Chloe Cates is Missing by Mandy McHugh

 

Chloe Cates is Missing by Mandy McHugh
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

AThe disappearance of a young internet celebrity ignites a firestorm of speculation on social media, and to find her a detective will have to extinguish the blaze. 

Chloe Cates is missing. The 13-year-old star of the hit YouTube series, “CC and Me,” has disappeared, and nobody knows where she’s gone — least of all ruthless momager Jennifer Scarborough, who has spent much of her daughter’s young life crafting a child celebrity persona that is finally beginning to pay off. And in Chloe’s absence, the faux-fairytale world that supported that persona begins to fracture, revealing secrets capable of reducing the highly-dysfunctional Scarborough family to rubble. 

Anxious to find her daughter and preserve the life she’s worked so hard to build, Jennifer turns to social media for help, but the hearsay, false claims, and salacious suspicions only multiply. As the search becomes as sensational as Chloe’s series, Missing Persons detective Emilina Stone steps in, only to realize she has a connection to this case herself. Will she be able to stay objective and cut through the rumors to find the truth before it’s too late?

Told from multiple points of view including Jennifer, Emilina, and pages from Chloe’s lost diary, Chloe Cates Is Missing is a suspenseful novel of a child pushed to the brink, and of the troubled family that desperately needs her back.

—-

Chloe Cates is missing is a phenomenal debut. Seriously. It’s SO good.

I started it late evening yesterday and read until the early hours, and then picked it up again as soon as I could today. Within twenty-four hours of starting this book, I’d finished it. I simply couldn’t read it fast enough. Chloe Cates is Missing is a twisty, complicated story that spirals around Jennifer, the mother of Abigail who is more publicly known as Chloe. Jennifer began a ‘mommy blog’ when Abby was little, and ‘Chloe’ is its main character. While Jennifer’s son is allowed a normal life, Abby isn’t. She’s not allowed to go to school, have friends, or make any of her own choices. She has to constantly perform as Chloe, and we see the horrific things that this leads to. And the story begins when Jennifer finds that her precious daughter is missing…

Jennifer is such a fascinating character. She’s dark and twisty. She sees her daughter only in terms of what Chloe can provide her. She treats her like a doll, wanting to control every aspect of her life. And she’ll do anything to make sure she gets her own way. And she lies. She lies a lot, and I was never quite sure when she was telling the truth. This made the tension so, so high. I couldn’t stop reading. She’d engineered an entire fake life for her daughter for her followers to watch. Chloe’s ‘friends’ were photoshopped models. Any time Abby really did start making friends of her own, Jennifer put a stop to it. She wanted her daughter isolated and dependent, and Jackson, Jennifer’s husband and Chloe’s father just lets it happen.

Jennifer is also a murderer. Part of the narrative is from the perspective of Emilina, the former best friend of Jennifer and the now detective investigating Chloe’s disappearance. Emilina knows exactly what kind of person Jennifer is, as Jennifer forced her to cover up the murder when they were kids. 

And that’s not the only murder in the book. We’ve also got the murder of Missy, a girl the same age as Chloe and who looks pretty similar to her. And it soon becomes clear the murder of Missy and the disappearance of Chloe are intrinsically connected.

Chloe/Abby is a fascinating character. I really felt for her, could feel her desperation through her journal entries as she tried to fight her controlling mother. Indeed, the journal was quite horrifying to read when it became apparent just how far Jennifer would go to make sure her daughter was doing what she wanted. There was a fantastic twist about the boy whom Abby was secretly getting to know. And we really see the effect of all this emotional abuse on Abby and learn how her mother’s behaviour has shaped her. Nothing is as it seems!

There are so many twists in this book. The pacing is spot-on, and I simply had to read it as quickly as possible to find out who was the evil mastermind—because no matter how hard I tried to work it out, I just couldn’t. Every time I thought I had a handle on one of the suspects, a new curveball was thrown into the mix.

We’ve got a lot of first person narrators—Jennifer, Emilina, Abby, and Jackson (Jennifer’s husband)—but it didn’t feel like too many and I was able to separate the narratives quite easily.

All in all, this is a highly recommended read. Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for this ARC.

View all my reviews

Review: Shattered by C. Lee McKenzie

Shattered, A Story of Betrayal and Courage by C. Lee McKenzie
My rating: 1 of 5 stars

Courage put Libby Brown into the final selection for the Olympics, but betrayal crushed her spine and her chance at the Gold. Now she has two choices, use her courage to put her life back together, or remain shattered forever.

—-
Unfortunately this is a DNF at 19% for me. I had high hopes for this book, thinking it would be similar to Scars Like Wings by Erin Stewart and Faceless by Alyssa Sheinmel. As a disabled person myself, I’m always looking for stories of disability that are skilfully and sensitively told. Unfortunately, this wasn’t one of those for me.

Within a few chapters, I’d picked up on quite a few ableist sentences. When Libby becomes paralysed following a skiing accident, she tells readers, ‘I might as well be dead if I couldn’t walk or ski or do anything that I loved. I couldn’t imagine how it would be to be trapped in a wheelchair the rest of my life, and I willed that image to disappear.’ This immediately set off alarm bells for me as I’ve had so many people devalue my own life since becoming disabled, people telling me that they’d rather be dead than live as I do. I really didn’t like the idea of being ‘trapped’ in a wheelchair given that wheelchairs offer freedom to so many disabled people that they wouldn’t ordinarily have. Still, I persevered with this book. I thought maybe this was just Libby’s mindset at the start of her journey as she was still coping with her new reality. I was hoping to see a transformation in her mindset and her acknowledging that her earlier thoughts were harmful and ableist.

I don’t know if this does happen, as I stopped reading at chapter nine. The above quotes were around chapter three, but by chapter nine we had more ableism and I simply wasn’t enjoying the story. Reading was feeling like a chore. Another instance of ableism I picked out was this one, which Libby uses when ‘evaluating’ her new room mate at the rehab centre: ‘More to the point, how could a one-legged swimmer have three boyfriends and the attitude of the Dali Lama?’ Just, urgh. She uses the term ‘one-legged’ in a clearly negative way here and she’s just so judgemental of her new ‘friend’, only seeing the disability.

Leading on from that, I didn’t find Libby likeable, yet I also felt like I didn’t know her. There wasn’t a great deal of deep characterisation for her or any of the characters, in my opinion. And the writing was kind of clunky. The very first paragraph tells us about a girl, Etta, who wasn’t then in any of the first nine chapters again. There’s no mention of a first-person narrator in that paragraph, so I assumed at first that Etta was the main character and that it was a third-person narrative. That seemed like a really poor opening to me.

There was a lot of repetition of phrasing too. We’re constantly told that voices interrupt Libby’s thoughts when she’s in hospital, and so many chapters began in similar ways. For my day job, I work as a developmental editor for a publisher and I’m a writing teacher, and there were just so many little things like this that I would’ve flagged if I’d been editing it. These things just meant I couldn’t get into the story to enjoy it.

And there were some big pacing issues—the characters constantly refer to important things that have happened off-page that the reader doesn’t actually witness. One major example of this is how suddenly were told Libby has a boyfriend when she’s at the rehab centre and sees her roommate with hers. I didn’t spot any mention of Libby having a boyfriend prior to this, but then we’re told that all this time the boyfriend had been trying to get in contact with her. That seemed like an afterthought and I couldn’t work out why this hadn’t been incorporated more smoothly into the narrative earlier on.

And then Libby and her boyfriend break up. Take a look at this passage:

“It’s okay,” I said quickly. “I asked you here to tell you that since things are so, well, different” —I held onto the arms of the wheelchair like a lifesaver— “I’ll understand if you have to move on. Your degree. Your life. You know.” I had to stop so my voice didn’t catch. “Hey, but thanks for coming by.”
For the first time our eyes connected.
“I’m sticking if you want me to.” Now his voice sounded pinched, maybe panicked. He’s afraid I’ll take him up on his offer. It wasn’t so much how he’d said those words as it was the way he sat pulled away from me, ready to bolt for the door that made me flinch.
I shook my head. “No.” The word came out sharp and final. “I don’t think that’s necessary.”
[…]
“I’m really sorry—”
And that’s all you can come up with? Sorry was such a limp word.
I shook my head. “Not your fault. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time.” I couldn’t help wondering what would have happened if Ben had pulled himself out of bed that morning and gone with me. He might have taken the hit instead of me. He might have heard the snowboarder coming at us and shoved me out of the way.
“I know, but I, well I’m just—”
“Don’t be.” I did not want to hear the word sorry from him. I hadn’t expected our meeting to go this way. I’d expected him to protest more. I hadn’t expected my heart to shrink when he turned his back and vanished out the door.

This was the point that really got to me, Like, I understood Libby’s feelings. I’d felt that before, being convinced no one would want me for my disability—but I wanted either him to fight for her here or for her to just be angry or something. Instead, she’s just accepting of it. I don’t know if we get more on this later, if I’m fact Libby does realise she still has worth. But this, combined with the earlier ableism and the pacing issues, just meant I couldn’t read any further.

In fact, the only thing that had kept me reading that far was the mystery element, that we know that the ski accident wasn’t an accident. Someone had paid a guy to cause the accident. I loved that, but it just wasn’t enough to keep me reading.

I feel bad giving this book one star, but it read like an unedited draft to me and the ableism was a big problem.

View all my reviews

Review: Flower Crowns and Fearsome Things by Amanda Lovelace

 

Flower Crowns and Fearsome Things by Amanda Lovelace
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

in her new standalone poetry collection, flower crowns & fearsome things, bestselling & award-winning poetess amanda lovelace explores the complexity of femininity through alternating wildflower & wildfire poems.

within these pages, you will find that each of us has the ability to be both soft & fierce at the same time. there is no need to choose one or the other.

—- 

I finished this beautiful poetry collection on femininity last month and this was exactly the book I needed. The poetry is wonderfully written, so lyrical, and so powerful. The imagery is mesmerising, and I loved the motif of soft vs fierce.

There’s so much packed into these words, and the collection as a whole requires deep thought and contemplation afterward—I couldn’t simply dive into my next book as I needed to process what I’d read.

This collection is very feminist and it circles around abuse in a really sensitive but powerful way.

View all my reviews

Review: THE ART OF NOT BREATHING by Sarah Alexander

 

The Art of Not Breathing by Sarah Alexander
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Since her twin brother, Eddie, drowned five years ago, sixteen-year-old Elsie Main has tried to remember what really happened that fateful day on the beach. One minute Eddie was there, and the next he was gone. Seventeen-year-old Tay McKenzie is a cute and mysterious boy that Elsie meets in her favorite boathouse hangout. When Tay introduces Elsie to the world of freediving, she vows to find the answers she seeks at the bottom of the sea.

----

This is one of the most hauntingly beautiful books I've ever read. It tells the story of Elsie, a teenage girl who has no friends, and how the disappearance and presumed death of her twin brother Eddie, five years ago, is still affecting her now. She's awkward and lonely, and she discovers the joys of diving--even though she's forbidden from swimming and going in the water, as Eddie disappeared when swimming.

Elsie holds a lot of guilt over Eddie's disappearance as she was supposed to have hold of his hand that day. Eddie has special needs (really well written), and she feels responsible. This leads to an almost self-destructive spiral as she becomes obsessed with diving and finding the place where she believes Eddie drowned. Her parents are too broken by Eddie's loss to notice how Elsie is struggling--her mother's an alcoholic and her dad leaves them during the story.

Elsie's older brother Dillon is the only one who notices--but not in a way that he is able to help Elise, because he is also struggling. And this is one of the best YA books I've read for eating disorder rep in teen boys. Restrictive and purging behaviours are how Dillon is coping with Eddie's disappearance--and the secrets he holds around this.

There's a really well written romance too, and although we get some 'insta love' moments between Elsie and Tay (the guy who teaches her to dive), such as where Elsie imagines herself with his last name very early on, there's also an awkwardness about it. It shows how desperate Elsie is for a connection to someone--we even see her starting to get close to another guy, Danny, in Tay's absence for the middle part of the book, and I really felt how she was drawn to others as a way to anchor herself. Indeed, it's like she's floating aimlessly, unsure of who she is when she can't define herself against others (such as Eddie or Tay). And that really makes her sound shallow, the way I've worded this, like she's not an individual--but she is. She just doesn't know who she is, and she's sure the only thing that can truly ground her is discovering what happened to Eddie.

Being in the water gives Elsie flashbacks of the accident, so we see how her romances with Tay and the closeness with Danny (another instructor) again bind her to Eddie. And, as the plot progresses, more and more secrets unfold. I was so surprised when Tay and Danny were revealed to be a part of this, and I really felt Elsie's own heartbreak at that discovery. There was a strong sense of betrayal, of hurt, especially as they'd just slept together.

The characters in this are so well written. I can't emphasise this enough, and I really

This, ultimately, is a book about and pain and hurt, about self-destruction and self-harm. But it's also about healing. It's sad and heartbreaking, but it's real. So real.


View all my reviews

Review: THE BLACK WIDOWS by Angie Thomas

 

The Black Widows by Angie Thomas
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This is the short story that became The Hate U Give, and although it was written several years prior to THUG, you can tell Angie Thomas is a masterful writer. Very skilled.

It tells a version of Khalil's story, and a lead-up to his death, and we see several of the characters from THUG. I especially enjoyed seeing Starr through Khalil's eyes.

There is a hugely strong narrative voice in this story, and Angie Thomas touches on the important themes that her other works examine: racism, education, poverty, and the idea of being trapped in a way of life.

View all my reviews

Review: THE LAST BEAR by Hannah Gold

 

The Last Bear by Hannah Gold
My rating: 5 of 5 stars


In this instant literary classic about friendship, forging your own path, and doing what’s right, debut author Hannah Gold inspires fans of Pax and A Wolf Called Wander to make a difference in any way they can.

There are no polar bears left on Bear Island. At least, that’s what April’s father tells her when his scientific research takes them to a faraway Arctic outpost.

But one night, April catches a glimpse of something distinctly bear shaped loping across the horizon. A polar bear who shouldn’t be there—who is hungry, lonely and a long way from home.

Fusing environmental awareness with a touching story of kindness, The Last Bear will include full-page black-and-white illustrations as well as a note from the author with facts about the real Bear Island and the plight of the polar bears. 

--

Every now and again, you read a book, and it feels like being wrapped in a warm hug from someone important. It feels beautiful and significant, and you know it's going to have a long-lasting effect on you. This was that book.

I haven't that much middlegrade before, but I'd seen the author posting beautiful photos of this book on social media, so when I saw I could get a signed copy from Waterstones, I jumped at the chance. And this book was amazing.

April and her father get the chance to live at the Arctic when he gets located there for his job. While he's busy shutting himself away for work, April explores the island--and finds a polar bear, a bear who know one else knows is there.

April's a complex character. She's somewhat friendless at school and prefers being on her own. She feels abandoned at times by her father who is swamped in work--and indeed, working seems to be his coping mechanism for dealing with the death of April's mother. April is, in turn, still processing this, and we can really see how her life experiences have shaped her.

April and the polar bear build an almost magical friendship. Both are lost and isolated, and they come to trust each other greatly. The bear is hungry and April feeds him, providing him with her food. But of course, this friendship has a time limit on it--not only are April and her father due to return home at the end of his work, but this secret friendship can't last once food has run out, and there's also the threat of others finding out about the bear and removing him.

The ending of this book is bittersweet. I felt sad--I wanted things to go another way--but it also felt right. It was the right ending for the book, and I'm sure it'll teach a lot of children some very important life lessons too.

This book also says a lot about the environment and the devastating effects of global warming on the melting ice caps and the animals this affects, such as polar bears. There's just so much in this book.

It's a really important read.

View all my reviews

Review: BEFORE WE WERE BLUE by E.J. Schwartz

 

Before We Were Blue by E.J. Schwartz
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Get healthy on their own—or stay sick together?

At Recovery and Relief, a treatment center for girls with eating disorders, the first thing Shoshana Winnick does is attach herself to vibrant but troubled Rowan Parish. Shoshana—a cheerleader on a hit reality TV show—was admitted for starving herself to ensure her growth spurt didn’t ruin her infamous tumbling skills. Rowan, on the other hand, has known anorexia her entire life, thanks to her mother’s “chew and spit” guidance. Through the drudgery and drama of treatment life, Shoshana and Rowan develop a fierce intimacy—and for Rowan, a budding infatuation, that neither girl expects.

As “Gray Girls,” patients in the center’s Gray plan, Shoshana and Rowan are constantly under the nurses’ watchful eyes. They dream of being Blue, when they will enjoy more freedom and the knowledge that their days at the center are numbered. But going home means separating and returning to all the challenges they left behind. The closer Shoshana and Rowan become, the more they cling to each other—and their destructive patterns. Ultimately, the girls will have to choose: their recovery or their relationship.

-- 

This book has everything I could possibly want. I love sad and haunting stories that also offer hope, and BEFORE WE WERE BLUE, E. J. Schwartz's debut, gives just that.

I requested an ARC of this book on NetGalley because the cover was just so beautiful. Then I started reading it and realised it was about eating disorders--and I was drawn right in. In fact, I fell in love with this story as soon as I started it. Chapter one gives us Shoshana's POV as she's in RR, a recovery programme for her eating disorder. Immediately, I was pulled into her world and her life. She felt so, so real, and the writing was beautiful. There's something so compelling about the writing, in fact, that I just couldn't put it down. I knew immediately that this was a five-star book for me--and then I got Rowan's POV. And, just, wow. I didn't think this book could get it better, but chapter two just lifted it beyond 5 stars. We'd already met Rowan from Shoshana's POV, but chapter two, written in direct address from Rowan to Shoshana reveals the one-sided nature and complex intricacies of their friendship. There's this hard, toxic edge to Rowan and we realise she's using Shoshana. My heart was pounding reading this. It's just deliciously addictive.

Schwartz is a master of characterisation and voice, and I wasn't prepared for just how good this book was going to be. Every chapter, as I got deeper into the story, made me fall even more for this book. Shoshana and Rowan feel so real. I was breathing their stories, and Schwartz covers a lot of ground in this book.

Both girls are suffering from eating disorders, and there's a lot of discourse on bodies and social media. Shoshana is a professional cheerleader who developed her ED as a response to the pressures of this (and a pretty nasty coach), while Rowan has had her ED for longer, likely having, in some part, 'inherited' the behaviours from her mother who also showed signs of this. This book also really looks into the psychology of eating disorders and how they're often linked to other conditions--not just the physical ones caused by the effects of starvation and malnutrition, but other mental illnesses too. And it looks at WHY eating disorders can occur and how and why someone can relapse during/after treatment. There's one line from Shoshana that particularly struck me--she says about how she just wanted to be gone, and this jus really got to me. It resonated with me, and I think so many people think that eating disorders are just about food and body image, and someone's mental torture and desperation to disappear can often be overlooked because of this.

The friendship between Rowan and Shoshana is masterfully written. Rowan's arc in particular is impressive--she starts off wanting to hold onto her status as 'gray' (those whose EDs are controlling them more), and she's proud of it. She wants to be disciplined and seen as disciplined enough to maintain her status as gray (again, these were things I could personally relate to). But we see Rowan's mindset changing as she decides she wants to get better--and this coincides with her realisation about how she's been using Shoshana and needs to be a better friend.

Rowan's arc cleverly contrasts with Shoshana's. When Rowan's resisting progress at the start of the book, Shoshana is making it. When Rowan makes progress at the end, Shoshana's hitting 'rock bottom' again (perhaps, worse than before). But

This is definitely a story of friendship too--in all its different types--and we see how close and dependent the two narrators are on each other. There was this super intense relationship between them that I just adored. Now, I must just mention here that I am ace, and a lot of things that Shoshana said had me getting strong ace vibes. But I kept thinking that it wouldn't got that way, that it was just a coincidence--and then the author confirmed that this was in fact ace rep! At that point, I hadn't thought I could love this book any more, but I really did. This was just...amazing. A book that I could personally relate to not just on the eating disorder rep but also the ace rep. I was speechless. I almost couldn't believe I'd found such a perfect book for me.

I was so sad when I finished this book. I'd felt so seen in these pages, and I just wanted it to continue.

E.J. Schwartz is now an auto-buy author for me. BEFORE WE WERE BLUE is a complex look at eating disorders, friendship, social media and societal pressures, the process of healing, and asexuality. It's masterfully written, compelling and powerful, and I could not turn the pages fast enough.

Thank you to the publisher and NetGalley for the ARC copy.

View all my reviews

Review: NOT ALL BLACK GIRLS KNOW HOW TO EAT: A STORY OF BULIMIA by Stephanie Covington Armstrong

 

Not All Black Girls Know How to Eat: A Story of Bulimia by Stephanie Covington Armstrong
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Stephanie Covington Armstrong does not fit the stereotype of a woman with an eating disorder. She grew up poor and hungry in the inner city. Foster care, sexual abuse, and overwhelming insecurity defined her early years. But the biggest difference is her race: Stephanie is black.
 
In this moving first-person narrative, Armstrong describes her struggle as a black woman with a disorder consistently portrayed as a white woman’s problem. Trying to escape her selfhatred and her food obsession by never slowing down, Stephanie becomes trapped in a downward spiral. Finally, she can no longer deny that she will die if she doesn’t get help, overcome her shame, and conquer her addiction to using food as a weapon against herself.
 
For more information about the book and eating disorders, visit www.notallblackgirls.com

---- 

I read this book as part of my MA in Creative Writing as I'd chosen to examine race within eating disorder representation in YA novels. While this book isn't YA or a novel, I found Stephanie Covington Armstrong's memoir extremely helpful for my assignment in which I was arguing that a lot of YA depictions not only gender eating disorder as women's illnesses but also suggest that only white women get them. And this is exactly what Covington Armstrong writes about in this memoir.

The writing is beautiful, and, I'll be honest, the content is harrowing. Of course, there's dark stuff in here--not just around body image and eating disorders and the reality of having bulimia, but we also see how the author was sexually assaulted as a child by her uncle. We see her fragmented relationships with authority figures after this and her anger at various family members.

This book also really shows how eating disorders can be thought of as an addiction, something I hadn't really fully realised before. It was enlightening.

Structurally, it's divided into three parts: before the eating disorder, during, and after/the recovery. This last section did seem a bit simplistic at times, and the author highlights her reliance on God for recovery. This was the part I related to the least really, but as this is memoir and not fiction, how I relate to the events isn't really important. This is Covington Armstrong's story.

View all my reviews

Review: BRIGHT BURNING STARS by A.K. Small

 

Bright Burning Stars by A.K. Small
My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Best friends Marine Duval and Kate Sanders have trained at the Paris Opera Ballet School since childhood, where they’ve formed an inseparable bond forged by respective family tragedies and a fierce love for dance. When the body of a student is found in the dorms just before the start of their final year, Marine and Kate begin to ask themselves what they would do to win the ultimate prize: to be the one girl selected to join the Opera’s prestigious corps de ballet. Would they die? Cheat? Seduce the most talented boy in the school, dubbed the Demigod, hoping his magic would make them shine, too? Neither girl is sure.

But then Kate gets closer to the Demigod, even as Marine has begun to capture his heart. And as selection day draws near, the competition—for the prize, for the Demigod—becomes fiercer, and Marine and Kate realize they have everything to lose, including each other.

---

4.5 stars.

What can I say? I've picked up yet another novel about ballet dancers!

I've actually been waiting over a year for this book, and when my paperback preorder finally arrived, I was so excited to start it.

It follows two ballet dancers, Marine and Kate, as they finish their final year of ballet school and compete for a prestigious role as a professional dancer. We see their friendship tested as both strive to achieve the attentions of the best male dancer there, Cyrille, who is nicknamed "The Demigod." I must admit, I found that name annoying, especially how the nickname is used so frequently in the text.

The romance is heavier in this book than I was expecting, but it works. And we see the lengths that people will go to to get what they want. Hello, toxic competitive ballet dancers! This has to be one of my favourite things.

Oh and Marine's grieving for her brother who died several years ago too.

There are quite a lot of content warnings for this book though: sex, abortion, drugs, mental health, eating disorders, suicide, sucide attempts, grief, death. There really is so much wrapped up in these pages.

View all my reviews

Review: LOVELESS by Alice Oseman

 

Loveless by Alice Oseman
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

The fourth novel from the phenomenally talented Alice Oseman – one of the most authentic and talked-about voices in contemporary YA.

It was all sinking in. I’d never had a crush on anyone. No boys, no girls, not a single person I had ever met. What did that mean?

Georgia has never been in love, never kissed anyone, never even had a crush – but as a fanfic-obsessed romantic she’s sure she’ll find her person one day.

As she starts university with her best friends, Pip and Jason, in a whole new town far from home, Georgia’s ready to find romance, and with her outgoing roommate on her side and a place in the Shakespeare Society, her ‘teenage dream’ is in sight.

But when her romance plan wreaks havoc amongst her friends, Georgia ends up in her own comedy of errors, and she starts to question why love seems so easy for other people but not for her. With new terms thrown at her – asexual, aromantic – Georgia is more uncertain about her feelings than ever.

Is she destined to remain loveless? Or has she been looking for the wrong thing all along?

This wise, warm and witty story of identity and self-acceptance sees Alice Oseman on towering form as Georgia and her friends discover that true love isn’t limited to romance.

----

Loveless has to be one of the biggest YA books out there for ace rep, and this made me incredibly nervous to read it as I'm ace myself, and I guess I was scared that I wouldn't relate to the character or wouldn't find myself in the pages. But I did. And I really wish I'd read it sooner.

Georgia and her two best friends have just started university, and this really is a coming-of-age book. It covers so much ground--identity, sexuality, coming out, finding yourself, mental health, anxiety, romantic relationships, sexual relationships, familial relationships, starting university, becoming an adult, and so on. There is so much so cleverly packed into this book.

And the ace rep is phenomenal. Alice Oseman brilliantly captures what it's like to not be interested in sex and just not understand what all the hype is about in a society that is so sexualised. There's all the questioning and worrying about whether you're 'normal', the anxiety about why you don't feel like that way even if you want to and at times are desperate to.

But it's still got great messages about allos too--especially as the new roommate is presented as very sexual and says she enjoys sex and won't shamed for it.

While I've always thought of myself as heteromantic, Georgia, the MC, is aromantic as well as asexual--and to my surprise, I actually sort of related to some of the aromantic things she was discussing, which, yeah, really surprised me. I've been on that 'forced date' type thing where you're aware you should be romantically attracted but you're not. And reading this book made me realise that I'm probably actually demi-romantic, because the only times I've felt romantic attraction are when I've known the person really well.

I'm so glad I read this book. Really great ace-rep.

View all my reviews

Review: TOFFEE by Sarah Crossan

 

Toffee by Sarah Crossan
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

The astonishing new novel from the incomparable, multi-award-winning and Laureate, Sarah Crossan.

I am not who I say I am,
and Marla isn't who she thinks she is.

I am a girl trying to forget.
She is a woman trying to remember.

Allison has run away from home, and with nowhere to live, finds herself hiding out in the shed of what she thinks is an abandoned house. But the house isn't empty. An elderly woman named Marla, with dementia, lives there – and she mistakes Allison for an old friend from her past called Toffee.

Allison is used to hiding who she really is, and trying to be what other people want her to be. And so, Toffee is who she becomes. After all, it means she has a place to stay. There are worse places she could be.

But as their bond grows, and Allison discovers how much Marla needs a real friend, she begins to ask herself - where is home? What is a family? And most importantly, who am I, really?

----

This novel-in-verse has to be one of the most beautiful and heartbreaking books I've read. The depiction of dementia in it is so truthful and real, and I felt raw reading this book. Several times, it had me crying. It's just so, so real.

And that wasn't the only 'truth' in this book--it spoke a lot about abusive parents and domestic violence, and this just felt like so, so real too. Like, I could feel Allison's pain, and I loved how Crossan still showed how Allison did love her dad, that there were good moments between them, despite how he was abusive toward her.

This book covers a lot of difficult topics: Allison's mother died giving birth to her and her father emotionally neglected her as a child, which only got worse as she got older. There's depictions of violence and abuse, and Allison leaves him, making herself homeless. She travels to Bude (always fun reading a book set in the town near me!) and stumbles upon Marla, an elderly woman with dementia who thinks she's her friend, Toffee. Allison assumes the identity of Toffee in order so she can stay at Marla's house, and in doing so, really comes to care for Marla. Their relationship is just so, so beautiful.

But the whole time, there's this sense of a countdown--that this cannot last forever. Is Allison's dad looking for her? What about the latest of his girlfriends who suddenly left, even though she and Allison were a united front? And what happens when Marla gets too unwell to still be living in her own home? Allison/Toffee can't look after her forever. I won't spoil the ending--but I will say it works. It's satisfying, and it draws everything together.

The other character who has a lot of page-time is Lucy, a girl whom befriends Allison. While their friendship seems innocent at first, it soon becomes clear Lucy is using Allison. She pays her to do her homework, she invites friends over to Marla's house and doesn't respect Allison when she asks them not to break or steal anything. And I thought this inclusion of a one-sided friendship really adds to the many different ways that Crossan explores the toxic nature of man, because there are a lot of depiction of this and unkindness. Allison's dad is the main example, but Lucy parallels him on a smaller level, and then you've also got Marla's son who shows up and is revealed to only be concerned about himself and not really care for his mother. 

But all of this is offset by the tender friendship that Allison and Marla form, albeit Marla never really knows who Allison is. 

There's a lot of sadness in this book, a lot of heartbreak and pain, and I've come to understand that I love sad books. These are the books that just 'get me'. And I love novels-in-verse, and every now and again, I read one that I find so inspiring and that encourages me to work more on my own novels-in-verse. This was just that book. It was so good it was motivating.

The language is just stunningly beautiful. I wanted to fold myself up within these pages and never leave the book.



View all my reviews

Review: STILLHOUSE LAKE by Rachel Caine

Stillhouse Lake by Rachel Caine
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Gina Royal is the definition of average—a shy Midwestern housewife with a happy marriage and two adorable children. But when a car accident reveals her husband’s secret life as a serial killer, she must remake herself as Gwen Proctor—the ultimate warrior mom.

With her ex now in prison, Gwen has finally found refuge in a new home on remote Stillhouse Lake. Though still the target of stalkers and Internet trolls who think she had something to do with her husband’s crimes, Gwen dares to think her kids can finally grow up in peace.

But just when she’s starting to feel at ease in her new identity, a body turns up in the lake—and threatening letters start arriving from an all-too-familiar address. Gwen Proctor must keep friends close and enemies at bay to avoid being exposed—or watch her kids fall victim to a killer who takes pleasure in tormenting her. One thing is certain: she’s learned how to fight evil. And she’ll never stop.

--- 
I listened to the audiobook shortly after Rachel Caine passed away, and it definitely was poignant listening to this as she was such a great writer. I'd had the ebook of this for a while, but when I joined audible and saw this was there too, I thought I'd try it out that way as I'd been having problems with my vision.

I ended up listening to this in quite intense chunks--several hours at a time--as it was when we had the really hot weather and I needed to sit outside with my guinea pigs to make sure they weren't getting too hot. They always like the sound of the radio and so on, so I put the audio on out loud for them all to hear--and we all enjoyed it.

In Stillhouse Lake, Caine proved once again that she is a master of writing. This is the first of her adult books I've read--and the first thriller from her, given I was obsessed with her YA fantasy Morganville series and was a bit scared to try something new from her for so long due to being afraid of being disappointed. But I wasn't disappointed at all.

From the moment I started listening to this book, I was drawn in. The characters are just so, so real, and the emotion in the writing is incredible.

I'll admit, I found the first half of the book a tiny bit slow at times--but this is just nitpicking really, because it really is amazing. And that ending! Wow. Just wow.

View all my reviews

Review: SHINY BROKEN PIECES by Sona Charaipotra and Dhonielle Clayton

 

Shiny Broken Pieces by Sona Charaipotra
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

June, Bette, and Gigi have given their all to dance at Manhattan’s most elite ballet school. Now they are competing one final time for a spot at the prestigious American Ballet Company. With the stakes higher than ever, these girls have everything to lose… and no one is playing nice.

June is starting to finally see herself as a prima ballerina. However, getting what she wants might cost her everything—including the only boy she’s ever loved. Legacy dancer Bette is determined to clear her name after she was suspended and accused of hurting her rival, Gigi. Even if she returns, though, will she ever regain the spotlight she craves? And Gigi is not going to let Bette—or the other dancers who bullied her—go unpunished. But as revenge consumes her, Gigi may be the one who pays the price.

After years of grueling auditions, torn ribbons, and broken hearts, it all comes down to this last dance. Who will make the cut? And who will lose her dream forever?

--- 

If I could give this book more than 5 stars, I would. I already loved the first book in the series and rated that one 5 stars, because it was so good--and so I wasn't expecting the sequel to be even better. But it is...

Book one ends with a pretty big event (spoilers for book 1 here): Gigi's been run over and one of the ballet dancers was behind it. This book opens a little while after this. Gigi is now recovered and returning to the school (alongside Cassie who is also returning--Cassie was absent on-page from book 1, having also been injured in the bullying). June is back at the school too but on thin ice as the school are now aware of her eating disorder and tell her she will be asked to leave if she doesn't improve. Bette is back at her family home for much of the book, having been excluded from the school who believe she was responsible for Gigi's accident--even though Bette's narrative tells us she wasn't and she's determined to find out who was.

So the stakes are immediately high in this book and it takes on almost thriller vibes at times. And it's just so tense--because the girls in this book are even more vicious than in the last book!

Gigi and Cassie team up together, which is understandable as there's no way Gigi is going to trust Bette or June. But Cassie is so, so toxic though and we see her manipulating Gigi, getting her to do things she'd never normally do (such as giving Eleanor peanuts when the girl has a severe peanut allergy). Gigi also cuts off all of June's hair, and there are numerous other things she now does without question due to the mindset that her accident and Cassie's manipulation have got her into.

And Gigi isn't the only one whose 'pranks' turn more severe. We see June also upping her game, and we see just how far Bette will go to clean her name.

Of course there's more darkness in this book--but I actually think it was handled even better than in book one. (Spoilers ahead). We've got a predatory teacher preying on Eleanor (Bette's best friend), and Bette takes photographic evidence of this. When these photos are mysteriously leaked to the students and teachers, Eleanor is blamed and slut-shamed--and then she attempts suicide too. My heart was racing at this point and I couldn't read fast enough to see if Eleanor was okay.

June's eating disorder becomes even more prominent, and she's also balancing this with the stress of the future of her romantic relationship with Jahye, as he wants her to relocate to where he's going to college, which would mean giving up her dreams of being a professional ballet dancer.

In fact, all three narrators--June, Bette, and Gigi--are worrying about their future in this book, as are all the other main characters (Cassie, Will, etc). This is their last year at the ballet school and the school only offers places to two dancers. There's this huge sense of urgency and inevitable change.

One of the reasons I really loved this sequel is because I felt Bette's character was more fully fleshed out. In book 1, she's backstabbing and manipulative--and she is in this book two, but we learn more about her. Because she's at home for a lot of the book, we get an insight to her family life that we didn't have before and we meet her father who left her. We also understand more about why she's so jealous of Gigi as she is still in love with her ex (Gigi's boyfriend). And we get a lot more insight into Bette's addiction too and how she struggles with drugs.

In fact, I think this book has more psychological insight for all the narrators--especially June. 

And, of course, it's a hugely diverse book in terms of race and disability/chronic illness. 

The only 'negative' I have about it (and I had to think hard about this one!) is the male characters, mainly the male ballet dancers. Because the female ballet dancers' personalities were so strong and so well developed, they felt flatter in comparison. I did catch myself skimming over scenes with Alec and Will, at times, purely because I wanted to get to the 'heart' of the novel where it was about the backstabbing girls pretty much plotting to murder each other.

But this has to be one of my top reads.

View all my reviews

Review: TINY PRETTY THINGS by Sona Charaipotra and Dhonielle Clayton

 

Tiny Pretty Things by Sona Charaipotra
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Now a Netflix TV show!

Black Swan meets Pretty Little Liars in this soapy, drama-packed novel featuring diverse characters who will do anything to be the prima at their elite ballet school.

From the New York Times-bestselling author of The Belles, Dhonielle Clayton, and the author of the highly anticipated Symptoms of a Heartbreak, Sona Charaipotra.

Gigi, Bette, and June, three top students at an exclusive Manhattan ballet school, have seen their fair share of drama. Free-spirited new girl Gigi just wants to dance—but the very act might kill her. Privileged New Yorker Bette's desire to escape the shadow of her ballet-star sister brings out a dangerous edge in her. And perfectionist June needs to land a lead role this year or her controlling mother will put an end to her dancing dreams forever.

When every dancer is both friend and foe, the girls will sacrifice, manipulate, and backstab to be the best of the best.

Don’t miss the gossip, lies, and scandal that continues in Tiny Pretty Things’ gripping sequel, Shiny Broken Pieces!

----

I read this book after having seen the Netflix series--albeit I'd bought the book before the TV series came out--and there's something really addictive about it. Usually, I end up liking either the book or the adaptation more--but it wasn't the case with this. I think I liked them both equally, even though they're quite different in terms of plot and character.

I couldn't stop reading this book, and it was one of those that I really wanted to savour. For a start, it's about ballet dancers and I don't know why, but I just can't get enough of ballet fiction at the moment. There's something so enticing about it.

Tiny Pretty Things is a dark book, and though it's about petty teen drama at a lot times, it also covers quite a lot of difficult themes: eating disorders, mental illness, bullying, assault, violence. And all of these things are covered so expertly and sensitivity. And I did I mention it's got perhaps the most diverse cast I've ever read? Of it's three narrators, Gigi is Black and June is Korean. Oh and Gigi has a chronic illness too. And I just loved that rep, as a chronically ill person myself.

Going back to the three narrators, too--each narrator felt like she had equal importance in the story. It was well balanced and the structure really worked. Not to mention that the narrative voices of each POV character were different as well, so that was really amazing.

At its heart, this is a book about the toxic competitive natures of teen ballet girls and what they'll do to succeed (a theme which is taken even further in the sequel which I read straight after this and am about to review too). But here's also a fair amount of romance for two out of the three narrators, and there are some touching moments of friendship and family too.

And there are unreliable narrators! Which I LOVED.

View all my reviews