Review: IDENTICAL by Ellen Hopkins

 

Identical by Ellen Hopkins
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Do twins begin in the womb?
Or in a better place?

Kaeleigh and Raeanne are identical down to the dimple. As daughters of a district-court judge father and a politician mother, they are an all-American family—on the surface. Behind the facade each sister has her own dark secret, and that's where their differences begin.

For Kaeleigh, she's the misplaced focus of Daddy's love, intended for a mother whose presence on the campaign trail means absence at home. All that Raeanne sees is Daddy playing a game of favorites—and she is losing. If she has to lose, she will do it on her own terms, so she chooses drugs, alcohol, and sex.

Secrets like the ones the twins are harboring are not meant to be kept—from each other or anyone else. Pretty soon it's obvious that neither sister can handle it alone, and one sister must step up to save the other, but the question is—who?

—

It’s taken me a little while to write this review, but honestly, this book was amazing. I’m a massive fan of verse novels, and Hopkins has to be one of the best verse novelists I’ve read so far. IDENTICAL is the story of Kaeleigh and Raeanne (I listened to the audiobook so I only just looked up the spelling of their names!), and they are identical twins, but Hopkins really shows how different they are.

The contrasts between them were beautifully done—and that just made the twist at the end all the more powerful. I did not see that coming, and it was expertly done!

This book covers some difficult topics: child sexual abuse at the hands of a parent, death, grief, mental illness (including disordered eating and dissociative personality disorder/multiple personality disorder—I don’t know the correct term, sorry!). But it also looks at positives too: Support of (good) family members, friendships and supportive relationship.

The writing itself is lyrical, poignant, powerful, and stunning. Listening to this was a delight—which is kind of a weird thing to say, given what this story was about. I now recommend this novel to my students as an example of verse storytelling.

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Review: THIS IS WHY WE LIE by Gabriella Lepore

 

This Is Why We Lie by Gabriella Lepore
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Everyone in Gardiners Bay has a secret.

When Jenna Dallas and Adam Cole find Colleen O'Dell's body floating off the shore of their coastal town, the community of Gardiners Bay is shaken. But even more shocking is the fact that her drowning was no accident.

Once Jenna's best friend becomes a key suspect, Jenna starts to look for answers on her own. As she uncovers scandals inside Preston Prep School leading back to Rookwood reform school, she knows she needs Adam on her side.

As a student at Rookwood, Adam is used to getting judgmental looks, but now his friends are being investigated by the police. Adam will do whatever he can to keep them safe, even if that means trusting Jenna.

As lies unravel, the truth starts to blur. Only one thing is certain: somebody must take the fall. 

—-

I listened to the audiobook for this one, and the narration and story are great. Right away, I was hooked and for about 60% I had no idea who the killer was because we kept getting hit with more developments that changed what I was thinking constantly. And then I worked it out, and it was so satisfying putting all the precise together—and before the narrator does too.

So, we have Jenna and Adam who discover Colleen’s body. She’s drowned…except this is a YA thriller so of course she didn’t drown. It was murder! Jenna lives with her aunt (her mother’s glamorous lifestyle isn’t compatible with being a parent) and her aunt is one of the cops investigating the case. Jenna’s and Adam’s best friends are both implicated for the murder, and we see each protecting them while trying to find out the truth. Adam also becomes a suspect.

We get flashback scenes that show us what Colleen was like as a person, and honestly, her characterisation is strong. Actually, every character’s characterisation is so strong. Really well done.

Jenna goes to Preston Prep school for Girls and Adam is at Rookwood, a school for troubled boys (and ones who often have criminal records). I loved this as it immediately meant all the boys had dark pasts and theoretically could definitely be capable of murder. But we also see how the girls are capable too, even though they’re not looked down on or judged by the rest of the town. We also have secret parties and meet-ups at Rookwood.

The final showdown, between Jenna and the killer was a bit of a let down for me, if I’m honest. Jenna fell for the trap, and I was screaming at her not to go there. Then she did. But then, by coincidence, Adam was at the right place at the right time. I know the book even has him acknowledge this as a coincidence, but it felt a bit too convenient for me. I was willing to overlook it though, expecting to get a couple more chapters afterward, but the next scenes were set farther ahead in time and sort of just provided a summary, looking back.

Spoiler: I loved that we have a female killer.

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Review: STILLHOUSE LAKE by Rachel Caine

Stillhouse Lake by Rachel Caine
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Gina Royal is the definition of average—a shy Midwestern housewife with a happy marriage and two adorable children. But when a car accident reveals her husband’s secret life as a serial killer, she must remake herself as Gwen Proctor—the ultimate warrior mom.

With her ex now in prison, Gwen has finally found refuge in a new home on remote Stillhouse Lake. Though still the target of stalkers and Internet trolls who think she had something to do with her husband’s crimes, Gwen dares to think her kids can finally grow up in peace.

But just when she’s starting to feel at ease in her new identity, a body turns up in the lake—and threatening letters start arriving from an all-too-familiar address. Gwen Proctor must keep friends close and enemies at bay to avoid being exposed—or watch her kids fall victim to a killer who takes pleasure in tormenting her. One thing is certain: she’s learned how to fight evil. And she’ll never stop.

--- 
I listened to the audiobook shortly after Rachel Caine passed away, and it definitely was poignant listening to this as she was such a great writer. I'd had the ebook of this for a while, but when I joined audible and saw this was there too, I thought I'd try it out that way as I'd been having problems with my vision.

I ended up listening to this in quite intense chunks--several hours at a time--as it was when we had the really hot weather and I needed to sit outside with my guinea pigs to make sure they weren't getting too hot. They always like the sound of the radio and so on, so I put the audio on out loud for them all to hear--and we all enjoyed it.

In Stillhouse Lake, Caine proved once again that she is a master of writing. This is the first of her adult books I've read--and the first thriller from her, given I was obsessed with her YA fantasy Morganville series and was a bit scared to try something new from her for so long due to being afraid of being disappointed. But I wasn't disappointed at all.

From the moment I started listening to this book, I was drawn in. The characters are just so, so real, and the emotion in the writing is incredible.

I'll admit, I found the first half of the book a tiny bit slow at times--but this is just nitpicking really, because it really is amazing. And that ending! Wow. Just wow.

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Review: MY DARK VANESSA by Kate Elizabeth Russell

 

My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell
My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Exploring the psychological dynamics of the relationship between a precocious yet naïve teenage girl and her magnetic and manipulative teacher, a brilliant, all-consuming read that marks the explosive debut of an extraordinary new writer.

2000. Bright, ambitious, and yearning for adulthood, fifteen-year-old Vanessa Wye becomes entangled in an affair with Jacob Strane, her magnetic and guileful forty-two-year-old English teacher.

2017. Amid the rising wave of allegations against powerful men, a reckoning is coming due. Strane has been accused of sexual abuse by a former student, who reaches out to Vanessa, and now Vanessa suddenly finds herself facing an impossible choice: remain silent, firm in the belief that her teenage self willingly engaged in this relationship, or redefine herself and the events of her past. But how can Vanessa reject her first love, the man who fundamentally transformed her and has been a persistent presence in her life? Is it possible that the man she loved as a teenager—and who professed to worship only her—may be far different from what she has always believed?

Alternating between Vanessa’s present and her past, My Dark Vanessa juxtaposes memory and trauma with the breathless excitement of a teenage girl discovering the power her own body can wield. Thought-provoking and impossible to put down, this is a masterful portrayal of troubled adolescence and its repercussions that raises vital questions about agency, consent, complicity, and victimhood. Written with the haunting intimacy of The Girls and the creeping intensity of Room, My Dark Vanessa is an era-defining novel that brilliantly captures and reflects the shifting cultural mores transforming our relationships and society itself.

-- 
Oh my goodness. This book is dark. It is intense. It's amazing. And it's such an important read.

Content warning for sexual abuse, sexual assault, child sexual abuse, and grooming.

So I listened to the audiobook of this one, and I was just overwhelmed. I think that's the best way to describe my reaction. I found it difficult to listen to--and several times I had to stop when the story just became too much. It felt too real, and the rape scenes were very graphic. It made me feel sick, and as someone who's experienced sexual violence, this book just hit too close to home several times.

But I couldn't leave the book alone for long. I always had to know what happened next. I had to know if Vanessa would realise that she had been abused, and I had to know if her abuser would pay. But I think it was the first of those reasons--needing to see if Vanessa would or could understand what had happened to her was wrong--was what really drove the story. Because for a lot of the book, the relationship she had with her teacher was romanticised. And it was romanticised a lot. It's skillfully written, because as an adult reader, I could see what it was: a predatory, abusive relationship, even though for a long time, the main character can't see this. And I think what really helped was that we get pretty much duel timelines. We see her as an adult looking back (albeit she still isn't accepting that it was wrong, still believing her relationship with the man to be different, even as he is now facing accusations of abusing other girls at the school). And because we get these different perspectives--adult Vanessa as well as teenage/child Vanessa--that's what really makes this story a masterpiece.

We see the effects of this abuse on Vanessa as an adult, even though she's still struggling to see it for what it was. We see her going to therapists and struggling to hold relationships with others, both romantic and familial. We see the effects of the abuse on her relationship with her parents, both at the time when she was a fifteen-year-old and now as an adult. But we also see the the changing attitudes toward sexual assault and child sexual abuse and grooming in the book.

As a child, Vanessa takes the blame for it all when others find out about her relationship with the teacher. The fact that the teacher actually coerced her into taking the blame, really manipulating her, set me teeth on edge as I was reading, and I felt so, so angry.

But we do see how attitudes are changing in the book--as an adult, and when others have come forward about this teaching abusing them, Vanessa is starting to accept what happened to her was abuse and we see others supporting her.

There wasn't really a sense of justice though, (spoiler ahead), as the predatory teacher takes his own life about halfway through the adult timeline of the book, which does lead to Vanessa having to deal with guilt over this as well. While I desperately wanted there to be justice, I can't deny that that wouldn't have been right for the story that the author was telling here. She was focusing on Vanessa and showing what does happen.

This book is dark, probably the darkest thing I've ever read. It's disturbing. There's no denying it. I think that's why I wouldn't necessarily say I 'enjoyed' this book. It was emotionally draining. But it was so, so good. Really well written. And it's an important book that needs to be read.

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Review: ALL YOUR TWISTED SECRETS by Diana Urban

 

All Your Twisted Secrets by Diana Urban
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

This thrilling debut, reminiscent of new fan favorites like One of Us Is Lying and the beloved classics by Agatha Christie, will leave readers guessing until the explosive ending.

Welcome to dinner, and again, congratulations on being selected. Now you must do the selecting.

What do the queen bee, star athlete, valedictorian, stoner, loner, and music geek all have in common? They were all invited to a scholarship dinner, only to discover it’s a trap. Someone has locked them into a room with a bomb, a syringe filled with poison, and a note saying they have an hour to pick someone to kill … or else everyone dies.

Amber Prescott is determined to get her classmates and herself out of the room alive, but that might be easier said than done. No one knows how they’re all connected or who would want them dead. As they retrace the events over the past year that might have triggered their captor’s ultimatum, it becomes clear that everyone is hiding something. And with the clock ticking down, confusion turns into fear, and fear morphs into panic as they race to answer the biggest question: Who will they choose to die?

------

I already know this is going to be one of my top reads of 2021. It's PHENOMENAL.

I love locked room mysteries. And I love escape room mysteries. I love stories about friendships--especially when those friendships turn bad. I love unlikeable female characters. I love unreliable narrators. And I love alternating timelines. This book has it all. I mean, I was almost afraid that it wouldn't live up to my expectations, but this book is phenomenal. Truly spectacular.

The book starts with Amber invited to a restaurant to meet the mayor, as she's got a scholarship. Also invited are her boyfriend Robbie, her former best friend Priya, her current friend Sasha, the school drug-dealer Scott, and Diego, who is the boy Amber now likes. When the six get to the restaurant, they're trapped. The door locks, and they can't get out. Then Amber discovers a bomb with a one-hour countdown and a syringe. Instructions tell them that the syringe contains poison and they must choose one person to die before the hour's up, else the bomb will kill them all. Cue: panic.

But how amazing is this set up? So, the narrative alternates between them in this one-hour countdown as they panic and try to think of ways out, and scenes from the last year or so. We get to know the characters, and gradually the past scenes reveal huge secrets--secrets that are then brought up in the current timeline as the characters turn on each other, as they try to work out who to die.

And this is where we see that all these characters are complex. They've all got secrets, all got flaws--it's amazing writing.

The next part of my review contains spoilers, so be warned!

Amber is our main character. She's hugely talented with music and she's also still grieving over her older sister's death. Maggie took her own life after being bullied for about a year by an unknown girl.

Sasha is the queen bee of the school. We see her befriend Amber, and readers can immediately tell that Sasha is using Amber. But Amber can't see this at the time, and it was infuriating! We could see exactly what was going on. But in the present timeline, Amber's very aware of who Sasha really is--but she doesn't expect for more secrets to be revealed in the bomb's countdown, namely that Sasha is the girl who bullied Maggie, causing Maggie to commit suicide.

Priya is Amber's former best friend. She was also initiated into Sasha's popular group when Sasha befriended Amber, but Sasha bullied Priya too in the same way she'd already bullied Maggie (and she knew what happened to Maggie, too). The bullying in this storyline culminates in Priya having her front teeth knocked out and Sasha sharing a video of it to the whole school. Priya then drops Sasha as a friend, and also Amber.

Next we have Robbie. He's Sasha's best friend and becomes Amber's boyfriend. He's a nice enough guy--until he believes that his dreams and ambitions are more important than Amber's. Then he becomes a bit of dick.

Diego is Amber's friend from when she was a child. The two fell out after Diego invented a colour-changing sponge and Diego's father resigned from Amber's father's business, causing it to fold. Diego is also extremely intelligent, and we see how Sasha is in direct competition with him for getting into Harvard. Sasha does her best to sabotage Diego at every opportunity, no matter the consequence.

And last is Scott. He's the stoner of the school, and he at first seems out of place being invited to the restaurant--it's believable to Amber that all the others have been invited there to celebrate their scholarships, but not Scott.

So, this is the set-up. (And even more spoilers ahead now). As the hour passes, the characters turn on each other and several get injured. When trying to break the windows to escape, Scott falls and breaks his ankle. Priya is hypoglycemic and passes out at one point, but Diego revives her.

The writing is so good that I kept working out what I'd do if I was in this situation. Faking a death seemed like an obvious thing to do, but it took the characters a long time to decide to do this.

And as the time is running out and they're all convinced they have to kill someone, Amber manages to turn everyone against Sasha so she is the one who gets injected with the syringe of poison.

At which point, they discover that the poison isn't real! I mean, to be honest, I was thinking that would have to happen. But Sasha, still alive, turns on the others. She attacks Amber, and she tries to kill her. Amber is saved by Priya, who stabs Sasha with a shard of glass from the window in self-defense. And Sasha dies.

And at this point, my eyes were so wide as I was reading (well, listening, as I had the audiobook, which has fantastic narration!). They'd literally killed one of the group. And still the bomb was counting down.

When the time runs out, and they're all alive, it's so tense. They hear footsteps and this was the part where I really had no idea who had orchestrated all this--which, I must admit, is unusual. I read a lot of YA thrillers and usually have some sort of idea. But I was flummoxed. And it's a delivery driver who lets them out. He's been instructed to deliver a cake to the room with a message telling them that they now know who each other are.

This writing--it's just so amazing. Tense. I was on the edge of my seat. (I actually had to stop listening at this point, as I had to get off the bus, and I was desperate to keep listening!).

And then we have the timeline going to four hours ago--and we get the huge reveal. Amber set all this up!!!! So, I didn't see it coming--even though one of the past scenes ends with Amber wanting to get revenge on Sasha. But I trusted Amber as she's our first person narrator. I believed her when she said she didn't know what was going on.

But then the pieces started to slot into place. Amber was the one who found the bomb in the room. All the people in the room were connected most strongly to Amber. And this is a story of revenge. It's a story of Amber wanting to teach Sasha a lesson--it wasn't supposed to end up with murder, but it did. It's Priya getting revenge on Sasha for the bullying--though Priya only stabs Sasha to stop her killing Amber. It's just...wow. That reveal--that Amber was behind it all--changed my whole view on her. I didn't know what to think anymore. I was totally blown away. Absolutely blown away. And it made Amber unlikeable. She was going to get away what was basically murder--even if she'd not intended to kill. But then Amber feels guilt. She goes to turn herself in, and is stopped by Priya and Diego.

It really is a story about the power of friendship and how toxic teenagers can be. It's a story of cold, calculated revenge. A story of secrets being revealed and the lengths that people will go to in order to keep them.

Highly recommended.

There are lot of trigger warnings for this book: suicide, drugs, bullying, abuse, implied school shooting at one point, potential for eating disorder survivors to be triggered by some of the bullying language used toward Priya.

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Review: AGAIN, AGAIN by E. Lockhart

 

Again Again by E. Lockhart
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

From the New York Times bestselling author of We Were Liars and Genuine Fraud comes a complex novel about acceptance, forgiveness, self-discovery, and possibility, as a teenage girl attempts to regain some sense of normalcy in her life after a family crisis and a broken heart.

If you could live your life again, what would you do differently?

After a near-fatal family catastrophe and an unexpected romantic upheaval, Adelaide Buchwald finds herself catapulted into a summer of wild possibility, during which she will fall in and out of love a thousand times--while finally confronting the secrets she keeps, her ideas about love, and the weird grandiosity of the human mind.

A raw, funny story that will surprise you over and over, Again Again gives us an indelible heroine grappling with the terrible and wonderful problem of loving other people.

--

Oh, this book. I mean, I should know by now that E. Lockhart's books leave me feeling absolutely destroyed after (in a good way!). I've read We Were Liars and Genuine Fraud, and so I should've been prepared for what Again, Again would do to me. But I wasn't.

Like all her books, Again, Again has lyrical, beautiful prose. I listened to the audiobook (narrated by Tavia Gilbert), so I didn't actually realise until reading other reviews afterward that this book has passages that are written in verse. I LOVE novels that dip into verse every now and again, and now I'm thinking I may have to get the ebook or a paperback because of this. But the writing is just so beautiful. It's haunting. It's compelling. It's addictive.

Adelaide is seventeen years old. Her younger brother is a drug addict and in rehab. Adelaide lives with her father who teaches at her boarding school, while her mother lives elsewhere to look after the brother. And this is a complex novel of love and family, of heartbreak and loss, of hope and new beginnings.

I actually don't know what genre to classify this as. It's contemporary--but it's also an 'issue' book. It's got some thriller aspects as well as magical realism (there are talking dogs). And plus, you've got the whole time stuff. I LOVED how every so often, the narrative goes back a page or two and retells the events according to what would've happened if a character had done something different. We follow that 'pathway' until we're either back at the same scene's starting point again, or until we get to the new part where the plot divulges and there are multiple routes again. This has an affect of layers--the novel's built up on these layers, and the writing is truly amazing as, because of this layering and retelling effect, the characterisation of Adelaide and her love interest(s) are built up. Because we've got details from the other 'alternate scenes' that don't apply to the current scene/pathway, the reader knows more about Adelaide's love interest than Adelaide herself knows at any time. It's like we've got the power of hindsight--a twisted, alternate hindsight--while Adelaide is navigating her relationships. It's disorientating and dizzy to read--but it's compelling.

And Part 5 of the book has Adelaide finally go for a different love interest. And, you know what? It works--because we've seen how toxic and bad the previous relationship was (on its multiple play-throughs) her new relationship here feels healthier and more organic, even though way less page-time is dedicated to it.

There are some truly heartbreaking moments in this book. But there's also humour too. And so many of the situations Adelaide finds herself in are so, so relatable.

Like all of Lockhart's books, Again, Again left me feeling wistful afterward. It made me feel like I'd lost something huge the moment I finished it--and I was so sad that the book was over.

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Review: LIES LIKE POISON by Chelsea Pitcher

 

Lies Like Poison by Chelsea Pitcher
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Poppy, Lily, and Belladonna would do anything to protect their best friend, Raven. So when they discovered he was suffering abuse at the hands of his stepmother, they came up with a lethal plan: petals of poppy, belladonna, and lily in her evening tea so she’d never be able to hurt Raven again. But someone got cold feet, the plot faded to a secret of the past, and the group fell apart.

Three years later, on the eve of Raven’s seventeenth birthday, his stepmother turns up dead. But it’s only belladonna found in her tea, and it’s only Belladonna who’s carted off to jail. Desperate for help, Belle reaches out to her estranged friends to prove her innocence. They answer the call, but no one is prepared for what comes next.

Now, everyone has something to lose and something equally dangerous to hide. And when the tangled web of secrets and betrayal is finally unwound, what lies at its heart will change the group forever

--

So, when I was first getting into audiobooks, I was browsing YA thrillers on audible and I came across this one--instantly, I was hooked. I downloaded it immediately--along with a few others--and then I had technology problems and couldn't access my audiobooks! Oh no! Eventually, I sorted it out, but I'd forgotten which book this one was. All I remembered was the main characters shared names with flowers and there was murder, and I was desperately trying to work out which book it was.

So, a few months later, when I'd finished my most recent listen and clicked randomly onto this title (my audible app doesn't show book descriptions), I was delighted to realise IT WAS THIS BOOK! And this book is incredible.

Complex female characters? Yes. Complex male characters? Yes. Complex transitioning characters? Yes. LGBT relationships? Strong character voices and narrative writing? Yes. Beautiful imagery? Yes. And a plot that just grabs you right away? Yes.

THIS BOOK WAS AMAZING! It's haunting and breathtaking and I could not stop listening to it. Chelsea Pitcher is now one of my favourite YA writers ever. And I must give a shoutout to the narrators too: Emmett Grosland, Emily Ellet, Amanda Dolan, and Kevin Free.

The book is told via multiple narrators and across multiple timelines. When the characters were little, Poppy, Belladonna, and Lily planned to poison Raven's evil step-mother--shortly after the murder of Raven's mother. They didn't do it. Now, the characters are 17, and Raven's just returned from the boarding school is father sent him to, to find out his step mother actually has been murdered and Belladonna's been arrested. The 'recipe' for murder that they came up with as children as apparently now been followed. Jack (previously named Poppy--and the book follows his transition) is desperate to clear Belladonna's name and ropes in Lily and Raven to help.

And this book is just so delicious. All the characters are so 3D. Lily's dark and sinister, suffering an eating disorder due to her mother's abuse. Belladonna is obsessed with fairytales--dark tales--having been adopted by a man who locked her up at night after his biological daughter was abducted. Jack has secrets of his own--from the clothes he burned on the night of Raven's step-mother's murder to his preference to be called 'Jack' and using him/his pronouns. And Raven--well, Raven is the character that haunted me the most. There's something eerie about him, namely stemming from the scene we're shown early on where as children all the characters were playing at fairy tales and he was lying 'dead' in a coffin.

So who did the murder?

Well, I must confess that I did realise who the murderer of the step-mother was quite early on. Not because all clues pointed to that person, but through process of deduction I realised it couldn't be anyone else. What I didn't expect was to find out the identity of the murderer of Raven's real mother too. That was edge-of-your-seat-stuff.

The only thing that bugged me a bit about this book was how when we're halfway through, we suddenly are introduced to narration by Raven as well. Up until that point, the narration had been told by Jack, Lily, and Belladonna only--so I did find it a little jarring.

But this is an amazing YA thriller! It's just so atmospheric and haunting and I loved it so much.

Content warnings for: abuse, eating disorders, suicidal talk.



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Review: FULL DISCLOSURE by Camryn Garrett

 

Full Disclosure by Camryn Garrett
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

In a community that isn't always understanding, an HIV-positive teen must navigate fear, disclosure, and radical self-acceptance when she falls in love--and lust--for the first time. Powerful and uplifting, Full Disclosure will speak to fans of Angie Thomas and Nicola Yoon.

Simone Garcia-Hampton is starting over at a new school, and this time things will be different. She's making real friends, making a name for herself as student director of Rent, and making a play for Miles, the guy who makes her melt every time he walks into a room. The last thing she wants is for word to get out that she's HIV-positive, because last time . . . well, last time things got ugly.

Keeping her viral load under control is easy, but keeping her diagnosis under wraps is not so simple. As Simone and Miles start going out for real--shy kisses escalating into much more--she feels an uneasiness that goes beyond butterflies. She knows she has to tell him that she's positive, especially if sex is a possibility, but she's terrified of how he'll react! And then she finds an anonymous note in her locker: I know you have HIV. You have until Thanksgiving to stop hanging out with Miles. Or everyone else will know too.

Simone's first instinct is to protect her secret at all costs, but as she gains a deeper understanding of the prejudice and fear in her community, she begins to wonder if the only way to rise above is to face the haters head-on...

--

This is an amazing book (and it's got amazing narration too--I read it as an audiobook), and I can't stop thinking about it. You know, every now and then you come across a book that's so so so important, that you know is a significant book that you just want to make everyone read? Well, this is it.

I've been looking for more books with chronically ill main characters, and Simone (the MC) is HIV positive. She was born with the virus, as her birth mother had it and was untreated, and as a baby Simone was really unwell. Now, however, she's got her viral load under control, so she's not actually unwell with HIV in this book. Instead, this book is about how Simone's navigating her first relationship with a boy--while believing she is probably bisexual--and she's directing her first play. But there's someone in her school who knows she's HIV positive, and they're determined to make things hard for her, threatening to reveal her secret if she doesn't break up with Miles.

I'll confess--before this book, I knew practically nothing about HIV. I wasn't even taught about it at school, and reading this was eye-opening. I learnt so much, and I'm kind of horrified by how schools hadn't taught this. For example, I didn't know there were medications that could make the viral load undetectable, and when it's undetectable it's untransmissible.

This book tackles the stigma around HIV. We see Simone as she's bullied by a classmate, threatened with having her secret exposed for all, and we see how her close friends and boyfriend react when she tells them she's positive. We know that she's already moved school before when people found out--and parents of other kids were petitioning for her to be taught separately to their children--and we see first-hand the awful way she's treated because of others' lack of knowledge and understanding.
The person threatening to expose her secret does indeed do exactly this--and then we see again how she is treated, this time with social media being hugely involved.

But this book isn't just about HIV. It's about Simone who wants to be theatre director, it's about her finding her identity and accepting herself. At its heart, it's a cute love-story (one of the best I've read), and it's also got thriller elements, with the unknown person trying to blackmail Simone.

It's also about sex--a lot. Although there's no actual sex scenes, there's a lot of discussion about it, not just about how Simone needs to be careful due to having HIV, but there's also general rhetoric on safe sex, on exploring sexual desires for the first time.

This book also has a lot of diversity. Simone and Miles are both Black. Claudia, one of Simone's best friends, is asexual, and Lydia (the other best friend) is bisexual. Simone is also bisexual. Then we've got Simone's parents--they're in a same-sex marriage, and one is Black and the other Mexican. Jesse, one of the Simone's classmates, is gay. There's just so much diversity in this.

This is a highly recommended read, and it's a great way for me to finish 2020.

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Review: I KILLED ZOE SPANOS by Kit Frick

 

I Killed Zoe Spanos by Kit Frick
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

This gripping thriller follows two teens whose lives become inextricably linked when one confesses to murder and the other becomes determined to uncover the real truth no matter the cost.

What happened to Zoe won't stay buried...

When Anna Cicconi arrives to the small Hamptons village of Herron Mills for a summer nanny gig, she has high hopes for a fresh start. What she finds instead is a community on edge after the disappearance of Zoe Spanos, a local girl who has been missing since New Year's Eve. Anna bears an eerie resemblance to Zoe, and her mere presence in town stirs up still-raw feelings about the unsolved case. As Anna delves deeper into the mystery, stepping further and further into Zoe's life, she becomes increasingly convinced that she and Zoe are connected--and that she knows what happened to her.

Two months later, Zoe's body is found in a nearby lake, and Anna is charged with manslaughter. But Anna's confession is riddled with holes, and Martina Green, teen host of the Missing Zoe podcast, isn't satisfied. Did Anna really kill Zoe? And if not, can Martina's podcast uncover the truth?

--

This book has been on my radar for a while, ever since YA Thriller Con 2020, when Kit Frick was on one of the panels. Recently, I've been listening to audiobooks, and for my second audiobook I decided to go with I KILLED ZOE SPANOS. And, right away, I was gripped.

This book has a lot of things in it that I love in a YA thriller: unreliable narrators; mixed media (part of the book is told via a Podcast series, and we've also got police interviews too); multiple narrators; a missing teen girl; and an examination of memory and identity.

So, Anna has just moved to a new town for a summer nanny job. There, she learns she looks like missing teen, Zoe Spanos. She meets Zoe's sister, her friends, and her boyfriend Cayden. But what really makes this book twisty is that we open with a police investigation where Anna is admitting to killing Zoe. This is someone that we believe, from reading Anna's own narrative (it goes back and forth between now--when Anna has been arrested--and before, when Anna has just arrived) who hasn't met Zoe, as Zoe disappeared before Anna arrived in town. Yet, it's so twisty. We're immediately questioning the reliability of the narrator, and I LOVED that.

And we then get Martina's podcast too, telling us of all these other theories as to what happened to Zoe. Martina is the best friend of Zoe's sister, Aster, and it's through Martina's investigation for her podcast that we learn that Anna has been pressured into giving a false confession. And this is just one of those books where all the time, I had no idea who had actually killed Zoe. Every time I thought I knew, something else happened that proved me wrong.

I did guess one of the twists. Spoilers ahead: I realised pretty early on that Anna was most likely a half-sister of Zoe.

I'll confess, I found the actual reveal of who killed Zoe to be a bit of a let-down, but only at first--I felt as if this character wasn't really in the first half of the book enough for her to be a genuine suspect. But once we had the reveal, she did play much more of an important part in the narrative, even having her own POV.

Overall, this is a great twisty YA thriller (and with great narration for the audiobook),

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Review: LUCKIEST GIRL ALIVE by Jessica Knoll (audiobook narrated by Madeleine Maby)

 

Luckiest Girl Alive by Jessica Knoll
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

HER PERFECT LIFE IS A PERFECT LIE.

As a teenager at the prestigious Bradley School, Ani FaNelli endured a shocking, public humiliation that left her desperate to reinvent herself. Now, with a glamorous job, expensive wardrobe, and handsome blue blood fiancé, she’s this close to living the perfect life she’s worked so hard to achieve.

But Ani has a secret.

There’s something else buried in her past that still haunts her, something private and painful that threatens to bubble to the surface and destroy everything.

With a singular voice and twists you won’t see coming, Luckiest Girl Alive explores the unbearable pressure that so many women feel to “have it all” and introduces a heroine whose sharp edges and cutthroat ambition have been protecting a scandalous truth, and a heart that's bigger than it first appears.

The question remains: will breaking her silence destroy all that she has worked for—or, will it at long last, set Ani free?

--

This is the first audiobook I've ever listened to, and it was a great one to start with. LUCKIEST GIRL ALIVE is a complex story of lies, trust, and one woman's desperation to be 'perfect'. We meet Ani when she's in her late twenties, and she seems to have it all: a great job, a great boyfriend, an impending marriage, great prospects in life. But right from the start, there's something disturbing about our narrating character. It becomes clear very quickly that Ani has a dark side. And I just LOVE dark narrators. She's also pretty unlikeable and not your typical female narrator--and that I just loved.

(Spoilers ahead:)

Ani is a disturbed woman with lots of secrets--least of all that she murdered someone. I hesitate to call her a murderer because as the book reveals it was in self-defence and happened when she was 14. And wow, this girl's past is just phenomenal. The book alternates between present-day action where Ani is preparing to take part in a documentary to 'set the record straight' about what happened when she was school, and gives us real-time chapters of that time.

We follow Ani as she joins the Bradley school, as she becomes mixed up in toxic friendship groups, as she becomes victim of sexual assault and rape, as she suddenly finds herself in a school shooting. This book is POWERFUL. That, I can't stress this enough. And the characterisation is so phenomenal. In the present-day, Ani comes across as an entitled and arrogant woman who cares wholly about perceptions and what others think when they see her. Yet, from reading everything that's happened to her, it becomes understandable. This new identity is one she's actually constructed to protect herself.

And it's not just her characterisation which is amazing. Every single character in this book has amazing characterisation--and this makes it quite complicated in some respects, as Ani's rapists are shown to have good traits. It makes it realistic, but it also makes for such a disturbing read. Jessica Knoll is an expert.

I particularly liked as, the more we read, the more layers of the main characters were revealed. This was especially the case with Luke, the 'perfect' fiance. By about the halfway point, his true character had been revealed, and I desperately wanted Ani to do better than him. So, I was really satisfied with the ending, where she leaves him.

There's also a big emphasis on names and identity in this book. Throughout it, Ani has multiple names referring to the various different identities she has been through--she reinvented herself after leaving the Bradley school, going by Ani then (whereas before she was Tiffany). And this just seemed really realistic and added to the idea that 'Ani' (the successful and rich magazine editor) is a construction. Ani is a cage around Tiffany, one to protect her--and that final line of the book, where Ani reclaims her identity as Tiffany FaNelli, is just so powerful because of this.

There are some difficult scenes in this book, as can be expected. At 14, Tiffany is invited to a party by her male classmates. She is the only girl there, and she's raped by three of them. She later attends Planned Parenthood to get the Morning After pill. When her mother finds out about this, we get a victim-blaming narrative from her (which is challenged by other characters). We're also dealing with content about suicide and mass-shootings in schools. Children do die in this book and it is heart-wrenching. The shooters are both children too--one of whom is Tiffany's friend.

Madeleine Maby is a terrific narrator. That has to be said too. I was apprehensive about audiobooks, thinking I wouldn't be sucked in in the way I am when reading a paperback or ebook, and although the experience of listening to an audiobook is different, this really was excellent.

I highly recommend this story of identity, revenge, loss, lies, and secrets.

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