Review: FULL DISCLOSURE by Camryn Garrett

 

Full Disclosure by Camryn Garrett
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

In a community that isn't always understanding, an HIV-positive teen must navigate fear, disclosure, and radical self-acceptance when she falls in love--and lust--for the first time. Powerful and uplifting, Full Disclosure will speak to fans of Angie Thomas and Nicola Yoon.

Simone Garcia-Hampton is starting over at a new school, and this time things will be different. She's making real friends, making a name for herself as student director of Rent, and making a play for Miles, the guy who makes her melt every time he walks into a room. The last thing she wants is for word to get out that she's HIV-positive, because last time . . . well, last time things got ugly.

Keeping her viral load under control is easy, but keeping her diagnosis under wraps is not so simple. As Simone and Miles start going out for real--shy kisses escalating into much more--she feels an uneasiness that goes beyond butterflies. She knows she has to tell him that she's positive, especially if sex is a possibility, but she's terrified of how he'll react! And then she finds an anonymous note in her locker: I know you have HIV. You have until Thanksgiving to stop hanging out with Miles. Or everyone else will know too.

Simone's first instinct is to protect her secret at all costs, but as she gains a deeper understanding of the prejudice and fear in her community, she begins to wonder if the only way to rise above is to face the haters head-on...

--

This is an amazing book (and it's got amazing narration too--I read it as an audiobook), and I can't stop thinking about it. You know, every now and then you come across a book that's so so so important, that you know is a significant book that you just want to make everyone read? Well, this is it.

I've been looking for more books with chronically ill main characters, and Simone (the MC) is HIV positive. She was born with the virus, as her birth mother had it and was untreated, and as a baby Simone was really unwell. Now, however, she's got her viral load under control, so she's not actually unwell with HIV in this book. Instead, this book is about how Simone's navigating her first relationship with a boy--while believing she is probably bisexual--and she's directing her first play. But there's someone in her school who knows she's HIV positive, and they're determined to make things hard for her, threatening to reveal her secret if she doesn't break up with Miles.

I'll confess--before this book, I knew practically nothing about HIV. I wasn't even taught about it at school, and reading this was eye-opening. I learnt so much, and I'm kind of horrified by how schools hadn't taught this. For example, I didn't know there were medications that could make the viral load undetectable, and when it's undetectable it's untransmissible.

This book tackles the stigma around HIV. We see Simone as she's bullied by a classmate, threatened with having her secret exposed for all, and we see how her close friends and boyfriend react when she tells them she's positive. We know that she's already moved school before when people found out--and parents of other kids were petitioning for her to be taught separately to their children--and we see first-hand the awful way she's treated because of others' lack of knowledge and understanding.
The person threatening to expose her secret does indeed do exactly this--and then we see again how she is treated, this time with social media being hugely involved.

But this book isn't just about HIV. It's about Simone who wants to be theatre director, it's about her finding her identity and accepting herself. At its heart, it's a cute love-story (one of the best I've read), and it's also got thriller elements, with the unknown person trying to blackmail Simone.

It's also about sex--a lot. Although there's no actual sex scenes, there's a lot of discussion about it, not just about how Simone needs to be careful due to having HIV, but there's also general rhetoric on safe sex, on exploring sexual desires for the first time.

This book also has a lot of diversity. Simone and Miles are both Black. Claudia, one of Simone's best friends, is asexual, and Lydia (the other best friend) is bisexual. Simone is also bisexual. Then we've got Simone's parents--they're in a same-sex marriage, and one is Black and the other Mexican. Jesse, one of the Simone's classmates, is gay. There's just so much diversity in this.

This is a highly recommended read, and it's a great way for me to finish 2020.

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Review: I KILLED ZOE SPANOS by Kit Frick

 

I Killed Zoe Spanos by Kit Frick
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

This gripping thriller follows two teens whose lives become inextricably linked when one confesses to murder and the other becomes determined to uncover the real truth no matter the cost.

What happened to Zoe won't stay buried...

When Anna Cicconi arrives to the small Hamptons village of Herron Mills for a summer nanny gig, she has high hopes for a fresh start. What she finds instead is a community on edge after the disappearance of Zoe Spanos, a local girl who has been missing since New Year's Eve. Anna bears an eerie resemblance to Zoe, and her mere presence in town stirs up still-raw feelings about the unsolved case. As Anna delves deeper into the mystery, stepping further and further into Zoe's life, she becomes increasingly convinced that she and Zoe are connected--and that she knows what happened to her.

Two months later, Zoe's body is found in a nearby lake, and Anna is charged with manslaughter. But Anna's confession is riddled with holes, and Martina Green, teen host of the Missing Zoe podcast, isn't satisfied. Did Anna really kill Zoe? And if not, can Martina's podcast uncover the truth?

--

This book has been on my radar for a while, ever since YA Thriller Con 2020, when Kit Frick was on one of the panels. Recently, I've been listening to audiobooks, and for my second audiobook I decided to go with I KILLED ZOE SPANOS. And, right away, I was gripped.

This book has a lot of things in it that I love in a YA thriller: unreliable narrators; mixed media (part of the book is told via a Podcast series, and we've also got police interviews too); multiple narrators; a missing teen girl; and an examination of memory and identity.

So, Anna has just moved to a new town for a summer nanny job. There, she learns she looks like missing teen, Zoe Spanos. She meets Zoe's sister, her friends, and her boyfriend Cayden. But what really makes this book twisty is that we open with a police investigation where Anna is admitting to killing Zoe. This is someone that we believe, from reading Anna's own narrative (it goes back and forth between now--when Anna has been arrested--and before, when Anna has just arrived) who hasn't met Zoe, as Zoe disappeared before Anna arrived in town. Yet, it's so twisty. We're immediately questioning the reliability of the narrator, and I LOVED that.

And we then get Martina's podcast too, telling us of all these other theories as to what happened to Zoe. Martina is the best friend of Zoe's sister, Aster, and it's through Martina's investigation for her podcast that we learn that Anna has been pressured into giving a false confession. And this is just one of those books where all the time, I had no idea who had actually killed Zoe. Every time I thought I knew, something else happened that proved me wrong.

I did guess one of the twists. Spoilers ahead: I realised pretty early on that Anna was most likely a half-sister of Zoe.

I'll confess, I found the actual reveal of who killed Zoe to be a bit of a let-down, but only at first--I felt as if this character wasn't really in the first half of the book enough for her to be a genuine suspect. But once we had the reveal, she did play much more of an important part in the narrative, even having her own POV.

Overall, this is a great twisty YA thriller (and with great narration for the audiobook),

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Review: DEAR MARTIN by Nic Stone

 

Dear Martin by Nic Stone
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

'A powerful, wrenching, and compulsively readable story that lays bare the history, and the present, of racism in America' John Green, bestselling author of Turtles All the Way Down
'Absolutely incredible, honest, gut-wrenching! A must-read!' Angie Thomas, bestselling author of  The Hate U Give
 
Raw, captivating, and undeniably real, Nic Stone boldly tackles American race relations in this stunning debut.
 
Justyce McAllister is top of his class and set for the Ivy League – but none of that matters to the police officer who just put him in handcuffs. And despite leaving his rough neighbourhood behind, he can't escape the scorn of his former peers or the ridicule of his new classmates.
 
Justyce looks to the teachings of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. for answers. But do they hold up anymore? He starts a journal to Dr. King to find out.
 
Then comes the day Justyce goes driving with his best friend, Manny, windows rolled down, music turned up – way up, sparking the fury of a white off-duty police officer beside them. Words fly. Shots are fired. Justyce and Manny are caught in the crosshairs. In the media fallout, it's Justyce who is under attack.

--

Reading this book was like being punched in the gut. Repeatedly.

I'd actually been sitting on this book for a while. It's been on my kindle for a good year or so, and I don't know what exactly was stopping me from reading it--I guess, maybe, the hype. Because I'd heard so much good stuff about this book, and that always makes me nervous in case the book doesn't live up to my expectations.

I've been trying to read more Black authors this year, and having recently finished books by Kimberly Jones and Tiffany Jackson, I decided to give this one a go.

I normally don't get hooked on books written in third person--I need that intimacy and immediacy that first person offers--but this book is an exception. Dear Martin is phenomenal.

It examines racism and police brutality, when Black young men are gunned down by police for no reason. Justyce, our main character, is complex. He's a young Black man who, right at the start, experiences racial profiling. We see his thought processes as they unwind, see how he tries to forget about this, but only has it circling more and more in his head. He writes letters to Martin Luther King as a way to cope with this racism, and we see how his hope is gradually replaced with despair, to the point where he stops writing to Martin.

Spoilers ahead now--So, let's talk about the big moment in this book: Manny's death. Manny is Justyce's best friend and is also Black. And just after halfway through the book, he is killed by a police officer in front of Justyce. That was such a gut-punching, heart-wrenching moment. I didn't see it coming at all. And it's Manny's death that prompts our MC to question everything. He begins to question what the point is in even fighting people's assumptions, when they don't change their behaviour. He considers joining a gang. It's all just so powerful and raises so many questions and discussion points.

This is a great book to start a conversation (a hugely important and vital one) on race, police violence, and racism.

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Review: I'M NOT DYING WITH YOU TONIGHT by Kimberly Jones and Gilly Segal

 

I'm Not Dying with You Tonight by Kimberly Jones
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

"An absolute page turner, I’m Not Dying with You Tonight is a compelling and powerful novel that is sure to make an impact." —Angie Thomas, New York Times bestselling author of The Hate U Give

An NAACP Image Award Nominee, I’m Not Dying with You Tonight follows two teen girls—one black, one white—who have to confront their own assumptions about racial inequality as they rely on each other to get through the violent race riot that has set their city on fire with civil unrest.

Lena has her killer style, her awesome boyfriend, and a plan. She knows she’s going to make it big. Campbell, on the other hand, is just trying to keep her head down and get through the year at her new school.

When both girls attend the Friday-night football game, what neither expects is for everything to descend into sudden mass chaos. Chaos born from violence and hate. Chaos that unexpectedly throws them together.

They aren’t friends. They hardly understand the other’s point of view. But none of that matters when the city is up in flames, and they only have each other to rely on if they’re going to survive the night.

--

I was watching a masterclass on Writing as a Political Act as part of YALL WRITE (the online Yall Fest 2020), and that's where I first came across Kimberly Jones and Gilly Segal, along with the other two panelists Yusef Salaam and Ibi Zoboi. This was one of the most useful masterclasses I've ever watched and afterward, I promptly bought this book (as well as Punching the Air by Salaam and Zoboi). So that's how I came across I'm Not Dying With You Tonight.

Prior to starting this book, during the masterclass, I heard Jones and Segal talking about the main two characters, Lena and Campbell. I was invested in these characters through hearing the authors speak, especially when they talked about how politically aware their MCs are and how this is different from being politically active.

I'm Not Dying With You Tonight follows two high-school girls--one black, one white--as an argument at their school turns into shootings and a riot that spreads across many parts of the town. These two girls are trying to get home and have to rely on each other to survive. Lena and Campbell aren't friends prior to this and in a lot of parts, neither understands the other's view. Campbell cannot understand at first why Lena, who is Black, is rightfully fearful of the police, and Lena cannot understand Campbell's (who is white) poverty. This book directly tackles racism and police brutality toward Black people and it's an informative and enlightening read. A very important read.

It's an addictive read and so, so powerful. I think it took me just over a day to read it. It's a powerful novel, and while I did find parts of it to be very plot-driven rather than character-driven, both Lena and Campbell are well-developed. Given the nature of this book, I do think it needs to be plot-driven, so it's not a criticism, as it's literally about how these two girls survive and depend on each other, when events out of their control are thrown at them.

The conversation on racism that this book delivers is the strongest part of this book--and I believe that's its intention. This book highlights the ignorance of white people as well as subtly-racist attitudes that are prevalent. It also speaks on socioeconomic issues too, like poverty.

I highly recommend this book.

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Review: GENUINE FRAUD by E. Lockhart

 

Genuine Fraud by E. Lockhart
My rating: 5 of 5 stars


From the author of the unforgettable New York Times bestseller We Were Liars comes a masterful new psychological suspense novel--the story of a young woman whose diabolical smarts are her ticket into a charmed life. But how many times can someone reinvent themselves? You be the judge.

Imogen is a runaway heiress, an orphan, a cook, and a cheat.
Jule is a fighter, a social chameleon, and an athlete.
An intense friendship. A disappearance. A murder, or maybe two.
A bad romance, or maybe three.
Blunt objects, disguises, blood, and chocolate. The American dream, superheroes, spies, and villains.
A girl who refuses to give people what they want from her.
A girl who refuses to be the person she once was.

I went into this book, having read some of the reviews that say it's not as good as We Were Liars, and so I was a bit hesitant at first...but I have to say that Genuine Fraud is amazing. I LOVED it.

It's very different to We Were Liars, yes. It's not trying to be the same. It's standing proud to be different, and I was really hooked after the first couple of chapters.

Genuine Fraud is all about character. It's about giving the reader snippets of Jule's life and Immie's life, all from Jule's POV. It's about constructing these complex and devastating characters through spinning a sort of web around Jule--as the web increases with each chapter, so does our knowledge of what these characters really are like. Jule becomes more and more complex with each chapter, and by about the halfway point, we know exactly what kind of person we're dealing with.

Jule is a murderer. She kills two people in this book--possibly three, I'm not quite sure. She's dark and when she doesn't get what she wants, she throws a tantrum. And her tantrums always end in the same way. And yet despite this there are still twists cleverly incorporated into this--proper moments that had me literally gasping.

This is a story of friendship and what happens when it becomes obsessive. It's a story of a damaged girl who's undeniably clever and so, so cold.

I loved the writing style. I'll be honest, I don't connect strongly with books that are told in third-person. I need that closeness to the main character. Yet third person was undeniably the right choice for Genuine Fraud, precisely because it keeps Jule at a distance. We're not supposed to see right into her mind. We're supposed to be wondering who she is and what she is capable. As we read, we're trying to learn more about her, and it often feels a bit like we're a detective and Jule is the mystery. And I think that's why I liked this book so much because we're kept on the outside a little bit. We're trying to work out who this character is--a character who freely admits that she lies and makes up her 'origin story'. I still don't know which of Jule's 'childhood origin stories' are based on truth, if any are.

And (spoilers ahead), I just have to talk about this: this book shows how someone can just step into someone's life so quickly, claiming that you used to be friends at school--when in fact you weren't. And the way it's done in this book is just so amazing. Because Jule and Immie knew each other from school--and yet they didn't. Each chapter adds a little bit to the puzzle, until we realise that Immie is someone Jule has become fixated on and vowed to find a way into her life. Jule gets all these tidbits of info about Immie's schooldays (from names of classmates to what Immie was wearing at a concert), getting these pieces of information through hiding her intentions, and then 'reminds' Immie of how they were at the same school. And that means Immie has this instant trust for Jule. Trust that is her downfall. I just wanted to talk about that because that revelation that Jule's memories of Immie and their shared schooldays were constructed and not organic just blew me away. That was the point where I realised just how clever E. Lockhart is.

And each chapter does build a new layer, add a layer to the onion that is Jule, so to speak. And the timeline jumps back and forth too. We're not given things in a chronological order, which adds to the puzzle-feel of this book. And I just loved that.

As expected from any book by E. Lockhart, this one covers some dark topics: you've got suicide mentioned, murder, desperation, obsession... But this is a must-read.

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Review: LUCKIEST GIRL ALIVE by Jessica Knoll (audiobook narrated by Madeleine Maby)

 

Luckiest Girl Alive by Jessica Knoll
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

HER PERFECT LIFE IS A PERFECT LIE.

As a teenager at the prestigious Bradley School, Ani FaNelli endured a shocking, public humiliation that left her desperate to reinvent herself. Now, with a glamorous job, expensive wardrobe, and handsome blue blood fiancé, she’s this close to living the perfect life she’s worked so hard to achieve.

But Ani has a secret.

There’s something else buried in her past that still haunts her, something private and painful that threatens to bubble to the surface and destroy everything.

With a singular voice and twists you won’t see coming, Luckiest Girl Alive explores the unbearable pressure that so many women feel to “have it all” and introduces a heroine whose sharp edges and cutthroat ambition have been protecting a scandalous truth, and a heart that's bigger than it first appears.

The question remains: will breaking her silence destroy all that she has worked for—or, will it at long last, set Ani free?

--

This is the first audiobook I've ever listened to, and it was a great one to start with. LUCKIEST GIRL ALIVE is a complex story of lies, trust, and one woman's desperation to be 'perfect'. We meet Ani when she's in her late twenties, and she seems to have it all: a great job, a great boyfriend, an impending marriage, great prospects in life. But right from the start, there's something disturbing about our narrating character. It becomes clear very quickly that Ani has a dark side. And I just LOVE dark narrators. She's also pretty unlikeable and not your typical female narrator--and that I just loved.

(Spoilers ahead:)

Ani is a disturbed woman with lots of secrets--least of all that she murdered someone. I hesitate to call her a murderer because as the book reveals it was in self-defence and happened when she was 14. And wow, this girl's past is just phenomenal. The book alternates between present-day action where Ani is preparing to take part in a documentary to 'set the record straight' about what happened when she was school, and gives us real-time chapters of that time.

We follow Ani as she joins the Bradley school, as she becomes mixed up in toxic friendship groups, as she becomes victim of sexual assault and rape, as she suddenly finds herself in a school shooting. This book is POWERFUL. That, I can't stress this enough. And the characterisation is so phenomenal. In the present-day, Ani comes across as an entitled and arrogant woman who cares wholly about perceptions and what others think when they see her. Yet, from reading everything that's happened to her, it becomes understandable. This new identity is one she's actually constructed to protect herself.

And it's not just her characterisation which is amazing. Every single character in this book has amazing characterisation--and this makes it quite complicated in some respects, as Ani's rapists are shown to have good traits. It makes it realistic, but it also makes for such a disturbing read. Jessica Knoll is an expert.

I particularly liked as, the more we read, the more layers of the main characters were revealed. This was especially the case with Luke, the 'perfect' fiance. By about the halfway point, his true character had been revealed, and I desperately wanted Ani to do better than him. So, I was really satisfied with the ending, where she leaves him.

There's also a big emphasis on names and identity in this book. Throughout it, Ani has multiple names referring to the various different identities she has been through--she reinvented herself after leaving the Bradley school, going by Ani then (whereas before she was Tiffany). And this just seemed really realistic and added to the idea that 'Ani' (the successful and rich magazine editor) is a construction. Ani is a cage around Tiffany, one to protect her--and that final line of the book, where Ani reclaims her identity as Tiffany FaNelli, is just so powerful because of this.

There are some difficult scenes in this book, as can be expected. At 14, Tiffany is invited to a party by her male classmates. She is the only girl there, and she's raped by three of them. She later attends Planned Parenthood to get the Morning After pill. When her mother finds out about this, we get a victim-blaming narrative from her (which is challenged by other characters). We're also dealing with content about suicide and mass-shootings in schools. Children do die in this book and it is heart-wrenching. The shooters are both children too--one of whom is Tiffany's friend.

Madeleine Maby is a terrific narrator. That has to be said too. I was apprehensive about audiobooks, thinking I wouldn't be sucked in in the way I am when reading a paperback or ebook, and although the experience of listening to an audiobook is different, this really was excellent.

I highly recommend this story of identity, revenge, loss, lies, and secrets.

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Review: FADE OUT by Nova Ren Suma

 

Fade Out by Nova Ren Suma
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

If this were a movie, you'd open to the first page of this book and be transported to a whole other world. Everything would be in black and white, except maybe for the girl in pink polka-dot tights, and this really great music would start to swell in the background. All of a sudden, you wouldn't be able to help it--you'd be a part of the story, you'd be totally sucked in. You'd be in this place, filled with big lies, mysterious secrets, and a tween girl turned sleuth....

Zoom in on thirteen-year-old Dani Callanzano. It's the summer before eighth grade, and Dani is stuck in her nothing-ever-happens town with only her favorite noir mysteries at the Little Art movie theater to keep her company.

But one day, a real-life mystery begins to unravel--at the Little Art! And it all has something to do with a girl in polka-dot tights.... Armed with a vivid imagination, a flair for the dramatic, and her knowledge of all things Rita Hayworth, Dani sets out to solve the mystery, and she learns more about herself than she ever thought she could.

--

So I came to FADE OUT having already read THE WALLS AROUND US by the same author, which is one of my all-time favourite YA titles. FADE OUT is MG, not YA, and I was intrigued to see how an author that I know for her YA has tackled a story for a younger readership.

Right off the bat, it was clear the same author had written this book--that was my first observation. The writing is just beautiful. It's haunting and deep and the imagery is just so powerful. Equally, the characterisation is amazing. Dani feels real and solid. She's snarky and yeah, she just feels so realistic. So this was a great start.

Dani is obsessed with noir film, and she tackles her parents' divorce through this lens, constantly comparing her life to that of the protagonists in these films. And then when she discovers that her babysitter-and-best-friend's boyfriend Jackson is cheating on, we see all this through the noir lens. Dani strives to identify the 'femme fatale'--the other woman. And we see her doing a lot of detective work.

I really enjoyed this book, but I'll admit, the stakes in it just weren't high enough for me. And that's entirely a personal preference, as I just prefer stakes to be life-and-death if possible, and I know that's harder in a MG. I just wanted more of a sense of danger, something ominous. But that's not Dani's story, and that's fine.

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Review: GROWN by Tiffany D. Jackson

 

Grown by Tiffany D. Jackson
My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Korey Fields is dead.

When Enchanted Jones wakes with blood on her hands and zero memory of the previous night, no one—the police and Korey’s fans included—has more questions than she does. All she really knows is that this isn't how things are supposed to be. Korey was Enchanted’s ticket to stardom.

Before there was a dead body, Enchanted was an aspiring singer, struggling with her tight knit family’s recent move to the suburbs while trying to find her place as the lone Black girl in high school. But then legendary R&B artist Korey Fields spots her at an audition. And suddenly her dream of being a professional singer takes flight.

Enchanted is dazzled by Korey’s luxurious life but soon her dream turns into a nightmare. Behind Korey’s charm and star power hides a dark side, one that wants to control her every move, with rage and consequences. Except now he’s dead and the police are at the door. Who killed Korey Fields?

All signs point to Enchanted.

Award-winning author Tiffany D. Jackson delivers another riveting, ripped-from-the-headlines mystery that exposes horrific secrets hiding in the limelight and the power of a young woman’s voice.

--

This book. Wow.

So I finished GROWN about a week ago, and I immediately began another Tiffany D. Jackson book (Allegedly) as I felt I had to read more of her work right away, while I processed Grown. Because this book is amazing.

Inspired by the allegations of sexual misconduct against R. Kelly, Grown tells the story of 29-year-old Korey Fields, a powerful singer who grooms and abuses teenage girls, the latest of whom is Enchanted Jones, our protagonist. We're swept up, just like Enchanted is, as Korey pays her attention and promises to help her launch her own singing career. And the writing is so strong and powerful, that we almost 'feel' the grooming and emotional manipulation taking place. This book--I haven't even got the words to express it.

We feel Enchanted's fear as she realises the danger she's now in, and we feel her helplessness. This is just so well written. And Jackson does a great job of exposing what grooming's really like and how 'easily' it can happen. I also really appreciated how she showed just how many other people kept quiet about the abuse, allowing it to happen (all the people Korey was close to), how the abusers are automatically believed over the victims, particularly when the abusers are in positions of power and fame, and how the abuse was both psychological and physical. All too often, we see stories liked this where the abuse is either one of the other, but it's realistic to show how it's both at the same time.

There are some hugely tough and triggering scenes in this: Korey locks Enchanted in a room for days with only a bucket to go to the toilet in, he strips away her dignity, her hope, he lies about her family, telling Enchanted that her parents are angry with her, and also that he's giving them money for having her. There's also sexual assault and rape--and we see this not just with Enchanted, but with another girl, Amber who's fourteen. There's also drug use, addiction, self-harm, suicide threats, and power misuse.

And the book opens with Korey dead and Enchanted covered in blood--that's what makes this different from a story of grooming and paedophilia. It's a tense thriller too. And the narrative alternates between telling us the story of the grooming and sexual abuse, with the present day story of the aftermath of Korey's death and how Enchanted's being set up for his murder.

This is a horrifying but oh-so-important book that examines power and abuse. It's difficult to read, but it's one of the books that I think everyone must.

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Review: ALLEGEDLY by Tiffany D. Jackson

 

Allegedly by Tiffany D. Jackson
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Mary B. Addison killed a baby.

Allegedly. She didn’t say much in that first interview with detectives, and the media filled in the only blanks that mattered: A white baby had died while under the care of a churchgoing black woman and her nine-year-old daughter. The public convicted Mary and the jury made it official. But did she do it? She wouldn’t say.

Mary survived six years in baby jail before being dumped in a group home. The house isn’t really “home”—no place where you fear for your life can be considered a home. Home is Ted, who she meets on assignment at a nursing home.

There wasn’t a point to setting the record straight before, but now she’s got Ted—and their unborn child—to think about. When the state threatens to take her baby, Mary must find the voice to fight her past. And her fate lies in the hands of the one person she distrusts the most: her Momma. No one knows the real Momma. But who really knows the real Mary?


--


Allegedly is the third book by Tiffany D. Jackson that I've read, though it was her first published, and I know this is going to be a book that stays with me for a long time.

This book tells the story of a Mary, a Black girl who allegedly killed a white baby when she was nine years old. She's now 16, pregnant, in a group home, and fighting to find a way to keep her baby and clear her name. And it's... ahh, I just haven't got the words. This is a book that is dark and gritty, it's disturbing and emotional. And I was rooting for Mary the whole way...

But the ending--okay, so there's a HUGE twist (and I should've anticipated that, given Jackson wrote this). And the twist completely changes the whole story--like, literally you're in the final chapter and you learn something that means you view the whole of the rest of the book differently. And I can't decide whether I liked that twist. I mean, it was shocking and impactful, but with us only having one chapter for this twist, it made the ending feel a little rushed. I'd have liked a couple more chapters to really smooth it out and delve deeper into the implications of this twist. (A twist that I did not see coming whatsoever--and it's so hard to write about this without giving spoilers!)

Mary is a complex character. We feel her pain and desperation. She's realistic and so well written. In fact, all the characters are. But it's only once you get deep into the novel that you begin to realise just how unreliable Mary is as a narrator--yet the whole time I was willing her not to be the classic unreliable narrator. It really is such good writing.

And the twist at the end really changes the way you view Mary's mother--and both 'versions' of the mother are so believable. And that's just a sign of such fantastic writing.

I found this book addictive. I could not stop reading it. It also employs some excellent narrative devices to show other sides of the story. While Mary narrates the main narrative, we have snippets of police interviews, excerpts from books that others have written about the Mary B. Addison case, and interviews with Mary's mother and the mother of Alyssa, the baby who Mary allegedly murdered. 

It's a difficult book to read. Obviously, it deals with the murder of a baby. You've also got references to child abuse and rape, as well as a lot of discourse on racism. It is such an important read, I cannot stress that enough. But I do think I prefer Jackson's later books (which also deal with unreliable narrators and racism). Still, this is a highly recommended read.

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Review: THE WESTING GAME by Ellen Raskin

 

The Westing Game by Ellen Raskin
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

A bizarre chain of events begins when sixteen unlikely people gather for the reading of Samuel W. Westing's will. And though no one knows why the eccentric, game-loving millionaire has chosen a virtual stranger--and a possible murderer--to inherit his vast fortune, on things for sure: Sam Westing may be dead...but that won't stop him from playing one last game!

I could not stop reading this book! THE WESTING GAME by Ellen Raskin is a phenomenal mystery, and I’m actually in awe of how good it is. As I was reading it, I kept forgetting it’s a novel as it seemed more like a puzzle, and the writing style is just amazing.

It’s one of the children’s titles for my postgrad creative writing course, but it reminded me so much of Virginia Woolf’s style. I actually googled the book to see if it’s taught to children at schools (or just used for degree level courses) because of this almost stream-of-consciousness style and complexity, with so many beautiful nuanced layers. It’s recommended for ages 10 and upward, and I have since learnt it's taught widely in US schools, but as a UK reader, I hadn't heard of this book at all--and here it often seems only to be taught to adults as an example of how children’s stories should be as complex as adult stories, as obviously you shouldn’t “write down” to children. It will give great satisfaction to adult readers who may be reading it aloud to children, as they’ll understand the more complex themes in it that younger children may not. Though I think children 10 and older would grasp the deeper meanings in this book, and YA readers certainly will.

The story follows 16 people (a mixture of children, teenagers, and adults) as they listen to the reading of Sam Westing’s will and discover that one of them is a murderer. All 16 are then thrown into the Westing Game where each must solve clues pertaining to the identity of the murderer. At times, these clues are almost set out like an instruction manual for a game, so we, as the readers, are also playing along. It’s this interactive quality that I’m finding so addictive.

It took me a little while to get into this book, mainly because there are just so many main characters, and we're not told a whole lot about these to start with. But we're thrown right into the mystery, and it's like we're trying to solve the mystery at the same time as learn about the characters--which does work really well as we're trying to work out who the murderer is.

And working out who the murderer is was just something I couldn't do--which rarely happens. But I really had no idea. And for that, I loved this book. It's just so powerful and it was refreshing to read such a complex and wonderfully plotted mystery that kept me on my toes as a reader. I was really making sure to read every single word on each page in case I missed a clue. 

Also, the narrative devices in this book are great. We've got multimedia in this as we get recounts of Sam Westing's will and other documents. And all of these are clues for the mystery too! 

The ending of the book was...strange. I don't know, it's hard to describe it without getting into spoiler territory. Because there are big twists, and though these were satisfying, I was kind of waiting for something more to happen as I was reading...but then by the time I got to the very last page, I realised that the ending was perfect as it was. If there had been another twist it probably would've detracted from the quietly powerful ending--where the true impact of it only hits you after you've stopped reading and you've got time to think.

And those final pages, where time suddenly speeds up and we learn what happens to the children as they grow up and the deaths of the older characters who were adults in the story is really heartbreaking. It's really powerful writing.

Turtle was by far my favourite character, swiftly followed by Angela. These two characters (sisters) really complimented each other, and I loved how many layers they each had, especially the darkness in Angela as (spoiler) she turns out to be the bomber. I also loved Sydelle and Otis (calling Otis the '65 year old delivery boy' was fantastic, by the way!). The other characters (with the exception of Grace, the mother of Angela and Turtle), although still strong with characterisation, didn't quite have the same impact on me as these characters. I think it's because there are just so many main characters in this book. It was a bit overwhelming. For a long time, I didn't even realise that Crow would be a significant character either. So that threw me a little.

Disability representation is also amazing, with the character of Chris who's a wheelchair user--and I loved how this book has other characters making assumptions about Chris and being stereotypical, but that these characters are then either called out, or the narrative voice becomes really snarky as it tackles the misconception. This is honestly one of the best books I've read for disability representation. (And equally, it's not just disability that the book calls out about this; there's also a lot on feminism and the role of women, with characters fighting stereotypes and 'traditional' views.)

The writing style of THE WESTING GAME is fun and snarky, and I can see why it would appeal a lot to children and teenagers. It's just so plucky and fun to read, and the narrative voice of the book is really great. There is a lot of head-hopping in the stream-of-consciousness style as we're bounced from one character to another, but uniting all these characters is this snarky voice--which is both snarky and judgmental on the current POV character and about others in general. And because the head-hopping is constant, and the whole thing is written in this style, very similar to Woolf's, this is one of the rare instances where I do feel that the head-hopping works.

This is a masterful piece of writing. Highly recommended.

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Review: A WORLD WITHOUT YOU by Beth Revis

 

A World Without You by Beth Revis
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Seventeen year old Bo has always had delusions that he can travel through time. When he was ten, Bo claimed to have witnessed the Titanic hit an iceberg, and at fifteen, he found himself on a Civil War battlefield, horrified by the bodies surrounding him. So when his concerned parents send him to a school for troubled youth, Bo assumes he knows the truth: that he's actually attending Berkshire Academy, a school for kids who, like Bo, have 'superpowers.' At Berkshire, Bo falls in love with Sofia, a quiet girl with a tragic past and the superpower of invisibility. Sofia helps Bo open up in a way he never has before. In turn, Bo provides comfort to Sofia, who lost her mother and two sisters at a very young age. But even the strength of their love isn't enough to help Sofia escape her deep depression. After she commits suicide, Bo is convinced that she's not actually dead. He believes that she's stuck somewhere in time - that he somehow left her in the past, and now it's his job to save her.

A World Without You is a complex and heartbreaking read, but for me it lacked that extra bit of power that would've made it a 5-star read.

So, we've got Bo who's at a special school for teenagers with severe mental illness and behavioural challenges, only Bo believes he's actually got superpowers and that the school is a place for other people like him. Through his eyes, we meet his classmates and learn of the 'powers' he believes they have. The writing is actually incredible as even from Bo's narrative, I could tell which problems the other characters at the academy had, even though we're immersed in Bo's very distorted view of the world.

Before the book begins, Bo's girlfriend has died, and Bo spend the majority of this book believing that she's not really dead, that she's stuck in time somewhere--because the superpower he believes he has is that he can travel through time and manipulate time. It's honestly heartbreaking reading how he's 'going back in time' constantly searching for Sofia, believing he can save her--when readers know what his reality is.

The writing is also really strong and narrative style is sufficiently different between the two POV characters, Bo and his sister Phoebe. Phoebe's chapters are very different to Bo's--she's grounded in the real world and we see the impact that Bo has on her. There's a lot of discourse on the impact that mental illness has on the family unit as a whole, and we see how Bo's institutionalisation shapes Phoebe and their parents. But I did find this was a little repetitive. Beth Revis has both her narrative POV characters lament A LOT about how Phoebe and Bo's relationship is not a typical relationship. And this was starting to annoy me as I read it. Mentioning it once per narrating character--or even twice--would've done the job, but it's mentioned so much that I began to feel like it was just too repetitive. And this slowed down the pacing for me, particularly in the first two-thirds of the book.

There was also one thing that I didn't particularly like regarding the family dynamics which was made quite obvious via Phoebe's chapters--and that is how her chapters present Bo as a burden on his family. As a disabled and chronically ill reader, this was something that really disappointed me. I mean, obviously, it's just Phoebe's opinion--and she's bearing the grunt of a lot of Bo's illness in the family dynamic as she's now got to be the 'perfect' child and isn't allowed to mess up at all--but I was hoping that there'd be something later to call Phoebe out on this 'Bo is a burden' notion.

The tension develops well across the book--and although the pacing and tension doesn't really change across Phoebe's chapters, you can really see it building to the climax with Bo's. For that reason, from 70% onward, I couldn't put this book down. That's where we see the accumulation of everything: Bo's illness, his grief and refusal to admit Sofia is dead, the pressure that Phoebe's under. There were several moments near the end where my heart was in my mouth, where I couldn't truly believe that what I thought had happened had actually happened. It was heart-wrenching and exhausting to read, but in a good way.

On the whole, this book has a good depiction of mental illness, if the whole burden issue is overlooked. But it's an important read and I still rate it 4 stars because of the strength of the writing and plot.

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Review: WILDER GIRLS by Rory Power

Wilder Girls by Rory Power
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Everyone loses something to the Tox; Hetty lost her eye, Reese's hand has changed, and Byatt just disappeared completely.

It’s been eighteen months since the Raxter School for Girls was put in quarantine. The Tox turned the students strange and savage, the teachers died off one by one. Cut off from the mainland, the girls don’t dare wander past the school’s fence where the Tox has made the woods wild and dangerous. They wait for the cure as the Tox takes; their bodies becoming sick and foreign, things bursting out of them, bits missing.

But when Byatt goes missing, Hetty will do anything to find her best friend, even if it means breaking quarantine and braving the horrors that lie in the wilderness past the fence. As she digs deeper, she learns disturbing truths about her school and what else is living on Raxter Island. And that the cure might not be a cure at all... 

---

Gah, this book!!!!!

I've had it on my kindle for over a year, and I wasn't sure why I hadn't yet read it, so one day I picked it up, not expecting to be totally grabbed by it...and I didn't surface until I'd finish it. Okay, that's a bit of an exaggeration as I read it in sections across about a week. But I truly felt like I was never leaving this book every time I paused. I was so caught up in this world, and I felt like I was living in it. I couldn't stop thinking about it.

It's amazing. Even if I was reading about a pandemic during a real global pandemic... 

Hetty, Byatt, and Reese are at the Raxter school, an all-girls school, on an island, when the Tox breaks out and they're all in quarantine, unable to leave. The Tox is a brutal illness--and it marks its victims in different ways, if they survive it at all. Hetty lost an eye to it, Byatt's got problems with her spine, and Reese has got a scaled hand. And pretty much every character has some sort of disability from it. And I wasn't expecting the disability rep to be great, I'll be honest--but it really is. As a disabled reader, I was so delighted to see this. All the characters in this book are disabled and badass. I loved it!

And Miss Welch--can we just talk about her for a moment? Her characterisation is wonderful. I was really hating her (spoiler ahead--skip to next paragraph to avoid it!) and then there's that amazing reveal where all her actions that make us hate her suddenly make sense, and we learn who the real villain of the book is.

Talking of great reveals--the way we learn info about what the Tox is and what is really going on on Raxter island is just great.

The writing in this book is incredible. It's almost stream-of-consciousness in places, just sooooo immersive and beautifully written. It's told in dual POV between Hetty and Byatt, and even their narrative voices are so distinct, despite both being written in this immersive way.

And the romance. This is such a great LGBT book with romance between Hetty and Reese (I'll be honest, I didn't see that coming as there's a real closeness between Hetty and Byatt, but it felt so natural.) I think Reese is my fave character though. There's something fierce and prickly about her. She's not as easy to like, and I love that.

The only thing that surprised me about this book is the ending... Like, is there going to be a sequel??? Because the (and another spoiler here!) whole book is about beating the Tox, and that just...doesn't happen. It feels like we've got the set up for at least another book. This one finishes with Hetty and Reese escaping the island, but it doesn't feel like the story's over yet. I really hope there's a sequel.

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Review: THE EYES OF MIKRA by Isvari

The Eyes of Mikra by Isvari
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I absolutely loved this story. You know how sometimes a book just grabs you and you can't stop thinking about it? That's this book. It's haunting and emotional, and it's almost got a timeless feel to it as it explores the effects war has on a person's mind.

The book opens with immediate intrigue and mystery and bloodshed. SJ has lost her memory, due to a bomb blast, and we're immediately thrown into the horrors of war, as well as SJ's own struggle to know who she is and to re-find her identity (and learn of the horrors of her past). We've also got the ominous 'presence' of Agent S right from the start, the antagonist, and I love how we only know as much about Agent S as SJ does at this point--we discover who this agent is just as SJ rediscovers her life.

And I just want to talk a bit about the structure--The Eyes of Mikra is the memoir of the MC, SJ. I'll admit, I didn't entirely realise it was her memoir until I was about a third of the way through, when the text explicitly says it. Up until then I'd thought it was multiple timelines, where one is told through diary extracts and the other through present-day action. But there were times when the writing seemed too reflective and not immediate enough to be present-day, so the revelation that we're actually reading a fictional memoir was great. I'm actually a huge fan of memoir, but I've never really read a fictional one--though as soon as I realised this is SJ's memoir, I realised it had a similar tone to The DNA of You and Me by Andrea Rothman--both have this contemplative voice, and are so, so emotional.

I'm also not usually a fan of books where part of the story is told through diary extracts, but the narrative device really works here. It gives an extra layer to an already complex and sophisticated story. And the diary extracts are cleverly woven into the story to add to the details we already know. And the diary extracts also have a distinctive voice too--we can really get a 'then' and 'now' sense. And the diary adds authenticity to SJ's story, especially as the voice changes and feels very natural for character growth.

One thing I really liked about this story is its emphasis on appearance and disfigurement. You've got the MC with prominent scars on her face that are in the healing process--and I felt that the way other characters react to this, namely her mother, was really telling for their relationships. I also love how at one point the mother brings her a photo of her as a child, in order to try and jog her memory of who she is, and it's a photo of the MC as a child with her favourite toy, a stuffed dog. But the thing that SJ focuses on in the photo is the tear across the dog's eyes. I thought this was a great parallel to SJ scars--"I'd pored over him myself for weeks, in the end convincing myself that my haphazard stitches made him more beautiful than the tear"--and this is just so poignant to SJ as she adapts to her new life. And this parallel of a dog with the MC is explored later in the book too, as near the end SJ tells us how she gets companionship from a stray dog. It's a really poignant moment, and it gives the whole narrative a circular feel.

It's also got some dark content that prompts the reader to look at the horrors of war and the moral dilemmas soldiers may face, such as shooting children. This book also looks at ideas of innocence and purity (in childhood) and it's contrasted powerfully with the horrors of war. And the imagery is so strong and vivid, especially when it comes to showing the different sides of human nature.

And it's got a lot of discourse on family and secrets too--as well as a feminist streak (I was so glad when SJ challenged Laki on her views on women's roles, but also how it shows how different people/societies look at this and the way beliefs are engrained like this). It's amazing how many things are blended into this story so effectively. There really is so much to say about it.

And the ending! There's a great twist. Such a reveal!

I really recommend this book. The Eyes of Mikra has everything you could want: a strong-willed MC, spies, secrets, love and death, a clever narrative, and a cast of realistic and believable characters.


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Review: IN A PICKLE OVER PANDAS by Melanie S. Weiss

In A Pickle Over PANDAS by Melanie S. Weiss
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I read this picture book on PANDAS mainly as research to see how picture books tackle medical issues such as PANDAS and the level of detail into which they go into. I myself am an adult with PANS (similar to PANDAS) and I've written a lot of articles on my experiences with PANS, but these are all aimed at adults. So I was interested to see how a children's picture book would tackle it.

This book does go into a lot of detail about PANDAS--more than I thought it would do for this age range, but it is all necessary and important info (from my perspective as an adult). However, I do wonder if it's really suitable for children of the intended age range for the readership. It does get very technical, and it does have some pretty scary illustrations representing the mental health symptoms that PANDAS can cause. 

But, then again, if a parent is buying this for their child, chances are the child is going to have PANDAS and the book is being used as a tool to help explain the illness to the child, so the child would already be familiar with the symptoms. Therefore I think this book is more suitable for children who already have PANDAS rather than children who don't. But it is still important reading for parents as the more knowledge they have of neuropsychiatric disorders such as PANDAS and PANS the better, especially when these disorders are often misdiagnosed.

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Review: THE WICKER KING by K. Ancrum

The Wicker King by K. Ancrum
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I have such complicated feelings about this book. It's just...phenomenal.

You know every now and again a book just totally grabs you and you can't put it down? Reading it becomes addictive and you constantly think about the characters? This is one of those books, for me. I read it in three days, and I can't believe I've finished it now. I almost feel lost without more to read as I was so engrossed and caught up in this book. I truly was living and breathing August and Jack's story. And it's a story of a complicated friendship that turns to love, of illness and insanity, of neglect and desperation, of needing to find the people who 'get' you.

The relationship between August and Jack is INTENSE. And it's so well written. It was so tangible and I felt like I could just reach out and grab it. It's so vivid and real. I almost haven't got the words for describing it. I have never seen a relationship written as well as this. It just felt so...real. I could feel the boys' love for each other, and that ending, where they admit their feelings, was such a cathartic moment. It's the characters realising they're in love, something which the readers (and other characters) realise much earlier on.

The book's about the hallucinations that Jack develops and how with each day he's sucked more into this internal world, and how August reacts to this--the codependency that he has for Jack, and his own deteriorating mental health as a result of going along with Jack's hallucinations. August's deterioration is really well done, and we see him putting himself in more and more dangerous situations--life-endangering situations--because he does whatever Jack requests.

I think one of the reasons this book has resonated so much with me is because I have experienced psychosis, and K. Ancrum captures the nature of hallucinations so perfectly--even though we see it all through August's point of view. My psychosis, like Jack's, had a physical cause. Brain inflammation and a brain cyst in my case, rather than a brain tumour. And Jack's hallucinatory world and his behaviour just made so much sense to me. I could see myself in him, and it brought so much of that back to me.

I almost feel like I haven't even processed just how amazing this book is yet. It's just so haunting. Usually by the time I review books, I've thought a lot about why a book creates the impact it does, and how, but I feel totally overwhelmed by the power of this one, and I wanted to write this review now to reflect these feelings. 

Also, the narrative devices in this book are amazing--it's a multimedia book, and parts of the story are told via hospitalisation reports, detention slips, photos of the main characters, and a note where Jack is asking out August. The note is a reoccurring piece of the story, and we see how Jack's crossed it out at various times, then scribbled over it again, as he's struggling to process his feelings for August. This added a whole new dimension to the story too. 

I highly recommend this book.


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Review: A SONG BELOW WATER by Bethany C. Morrow

A Song Below Water by Bethany C. Morrow
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This has to be one of the best YA fantasy/magical realism books I've read in a long time. I've actually been in a reading slump recently for fantasy--it's actually become rare (unfortunately) that I finish a fantasy, as I'm mainly into thrillers now. But this wasn't the case with A SONG BELOW WATER. This is a refreshing and authentic story.

This book is about two sisters, Effie and Tavia. It's about Black Girl Magic, Sirens, Oppression, and Racism. And it's about secrets and identity, and not knowing quite how you fit in--I especially loved Effie's story as she discovers what she is. Her sister's a siren, and there's this whole mystery over what she is. And the reveal at the end--it was perfect. (Oh and the sisters are more like 'soul sister's--they're not related by blood, and I loved what this book says about family.)

The worldbuilding is so rich and beautifully layered. Again, I find magical realism kind of hard to get to grips with, but the moment I started reading this, I was drawn in. It felt like I was really stepping into this world, and all the mythical creatures that walk this alternate Portland just seemed like they fitted in there. It was seamless.

A SONG BELOW WATER is such a relevant book for these times as it explores how Black women are treated and it's about its young Black characters finding their voices in society. There were a lot of scenes in this book that I found chilling--particularly how sirens (all of whom are Black in the book) are often given collars that silence their voices. This book really makes us think.

I actually came across A SONG BELOW WATER following the recent #BlackLivesMatter movement where the publishing industry encouraged everyone to read books by Black authors. This is one of them that I discovered, and I am so glad I did--and I'll definitely be interested in anything more that Bethany C. Morrow writes.

Review: THE 100 by Kass Morgan

The 100 by Kass Morgan
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

The Hunger Games meets Lost in this spectacular new series. Now a major TV series on E4.

No one has set foot on Earth in centuries - until now.

Ever since a devastating nuclear war, humanity has lived on spaceships far above Earth's radioactive surface. Now, one hundred juvenile delinquents - considered expendable by society - are being sent on a dangerous mission: to re-colonize the planet. It could be their second chance at life...or it could be a suicide mission.

CLARKE was arrested for treason, though she's haunted by the memory of what she really did. WELLS, the chancellor's son, came to Earth for the girl he loves - but will she ever forgive him Reckless BELLAMY fought his way onto the transport pod to protect his sister, the other half of the only siblings in the universe. And GLASS managed to escape back onto the ship, only to find that life there is just as dangerous as she feared it would be on Earth.

Confronted with a savage land and haunted by secrets from their pasts, the hundred must fight to survive. They were never meant to be heroes, but they may be mankind's last hope. 

--

I decided to read this book after watching the first season of the TV series. Immediately I was hooked—mainly because I realised the book was so different. We’ve got new characters in this book (including main character Glass) and new storylines.

The narrative is split between four POV characters: Wells, Clarke, Bellamy, and Glass. And I guess because I read this after having watched the series, I can’t help but compare it. I soon realised that characters who’d died in the TV series early on weren’t going to die in the book—instead, we get to know a lot more about them. And these four characters are really well written. They’ve got flaws. Though I have to admit that with the exception of Bellamy, their narrative voices sounded a little similar.

While these four characters are extremely well written, I found many of the secondary and minor characters a little flat. I’d have liked to see Luke and Thalia especially fleshed out a bit more. Octavia’s characterisation seemed a little stronger, but again, not as strong as the POV characters.

So I loved the worldbuilding in this book. Perhaps more than in the tv series, though it is of course similar. But the book feels a lot more realistic. The science is more explained--and it seems like their technology has taken a more natural progression than in the books. An example of this is the cornea slips that many of the main characters have on the spaceship, which don't appear in the TV series.

Talking of the spaceship--it's a lot more structured in the book. And there are clearer divisions. So you've got different sections of the ship, such as Phoenix, and each has a different class-status and we see the conflict between these classes and how some are seen as dispensable. I thought this provided a great way to look at modern societies and how elitist some people can be.

The narrative is told through a mixture of present day action for all four POV characters and their flashbacks. And the flashbacks are what really held the book together. They made everything so much more cohesive; they also really helped me understand the lead-up to the book’s set up. Reading the final flashbacks at the end was an “aha” moment as it made me truly understand what had been happening at the beginning. Not to say that there hadn’t been enough info provided at the start—there had, but the ending just gave it all that little bit of extra meaning.

So this book is shorter than I was expecting it to be. And although Glass had a clear arc in her narrative, there wasn’t so much a complete arc for Clarke, Wells, or Bellamy. Instead, the final few pages introduces another element—the other people who have survivor on earth. This clearly sets up for the next book, and because of this, for me, the book’s written more like a TV series than a novel series. I thought that was especially interesting.

And I do just want to say that although Clarke has two love interests--Wells and Bellamy--it's not really a typical love triangle, which I really appreciated. We see her with both of them at different times in the book, but the romance is definitely not a huge drive-force of the book, which I really appreciated.

The writing is so addictive though, and I couldn’t put it down. Highly recommended if you want a YA dystopian/post-apocalyptic/science fiction read.

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Review: THE PLEASURE PLAN by Laura Zam

The Pleasure Plan: A Sexual Healing Odyssey--1 Woman, 6 Sexual Problems, 30 Curative Adventures by Laura Zam
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

The Pleasure Plan by Laura Zam

Honestly, I wasn’t sure what to expect from this book going in—but as soon as I heard about it, I knew I wanted to read it. I’m in a group with other writers whose releases have been affected by Covid-19, and we each decided to buy and review 5 other books from the group. When I saw Laura Zam’s book, I was so intrigued. And part of this is because I am asexual. I don’t experience sexual attraction—so reading a book about sexual wellbeing and learning how to heal so you can enjoy sex appealed to me because I was curious. Sexual attraction and sex drives are outside of my own experience. And I do like reading about things I don’t experience or don’t identify with. I am also a massive fan of medical memoir, and I read this whole book in under a day.

The Pleasure Plan is part medical memoir, part self-help book. Zam tells us her story of healing from sexual trauma and her experiences of vaginismus, a physiological condition that makes vaginal penetration difficult or impossible, due to the body’s reaction to fear instigating muscle spasms.

This is such a personal story and I really commend Zam in writing it. It can’t have been easy, and the prose is well-written and the story insightful. She examines various medical professionals’ views toward female sexual experiences and sexuality, also examining the agency needed when one seeks out a diagnosis. She also explored her celibate year and what her sexuality means for her.

This book is so, so personal. I think that’s one thing that really surprised me. It recounts some very intimate moments in her search for sexual healing, and in doing so, Zam makes herself vulnerable. This book reveals her bravery.

But this book isn’t just about sex. It’s also about her marriage and her husband. It’s about the experiences that shaped her, the childhood sexual abuse she suffered, and how assault is about power. It’s an examination of her past relationships and patriarchal cultures. It’s also a story about her family and friends too, those who support her, and how they’ve been subjected to the negatives of patriarchal culture. It’s about Zam’s work as a playwright and the one-person play she also wrote on this topic. It’s about her examining her pain from many different angles as she seeks to heal herself.

The Pleasure Plan is a very feminist text. Zam encourages women to take control of their bodies and shows them that their pleasure is important. It’s the feminist slant that I was really able to engage with. As an asexual, I didn’t really identify with Zam’s desire to “fix” her sexual problems, not on a personal level, but I did find it really interesting. Particularly the examination of sexual drive and Zam’s year of celibacy. (I was also really pleased to see it called celibacy as often it’s mistakenly referred to as asexuality—but right from the start, Zam tells us she’s a sexual being and doesn’t identify as asexual, so I was really pleased about this distinction.) Zam tells us of the many professionals she consulted and one of them—one of the first in the book—did say it is fine to have no libido. I really appreciated this—as so often asexuals are treated as if there’s something wrong with us that needs fixing. We’re often viewed as “broken.” And so when Zam questions the idea of being broken at the start—“what if I’m just broken?”—this was something that really engaged me and that I was able to relate to, albeit Zam was talking about the painful sex she experienced, and not identifying as asexual and being perceived as broken because of others’ views on asexuality.

But when you look at Zam’s experiences without focusing on sex and her quest for sexual healing, you see the statements that she’s also making about female health care. And these are universal things. Zam shows us how female health is often seen as of lesser importance than male health. It seems women are expected to endure some pain—and often female pain isn’t taken seriously or it’s just seen as “normal”. At one point in the book, Zam tells us of how she hides her pain, feeling ashamed to talk about it, only to discover she’s actually got complications from appendicitis and is at risk of becoming septic. The doctor tells her she must have a high pain threshold and I think this is a part that really spoke to me. Because this memoir highlights female resilience in a society where female pain isn’t talked about and thus female resilience is often overlooked or ignored.

The writing itself is really good—and it’s clear Zam is a writer. All the other people in her book have great descriptions and characterisation, and Zam is at times analytical in how these people’s behaviour is shaped by their own experiences. These people feel real.

The workbook/self-help sections did throw me a little. Each chapter ends with a little section where the reader is invited to work on healing from their own sexual trauma or dysfunction so they can enjoy sex. Obviously I am not the target market here, but I have never seen this format before in a medical memoir. It made it fresh and new, even if I was surprised at first. But for those reading this book because they also want sexual healing, I can really see how these parts will be helpful.

Overall, this is a thoughtful and insightful memoir that I’m sure will have significant value to many women seeking sexual healing.


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Review: MASK OF SHADOWS by Linsey Miller

Mask of Shadows by Linsey Miller
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

As soon as I started this book, I knew I was going to love it. Well, I mean, before I started it I was sure I’d love it too—an epic story of assassins, set in a fantasy world, and with a Gender-fluid main character? What’s not to love?! And this book really delivered.

From the first page, I love Sal. They’re confident and independent, and their goal was so, so clear. Their motivations for their actions felt so, so real. And the best thing? This isn’t a story *about* being gender-fluid. It’s an epic fantasy story of revenge where the main character is gender-fluid. But it’s not their only defining character trait. And their gender-fluidity is accepted in this fantasy world and not made a huge thing of.

The book follows Sal as they compete with other auditioners to become Opal, one of the queen’s assassins. I love assassin stories. And I loved this one. There are definite Hunger Game vibes as all the auditioners are set tests and are allowed to kill each other at times. I love stories with tests like these. This is one hell of a job interview, and Sal’s building romance with Elise is so believable and well done. I also love how it was just part of the story, and not a main focus. The plot stays centred on Sal’s determination to be the last auditioner and become Opal, their desire for revenge on the Erlend lords who destroyed Nacea (where Sal comes from), and their determination to stay alive.

The worldbuilding for this fantasy kingdom is also great. It’s believable and there’s a lot of politics wrapped up in it and that just seems so realistic. While we get a sense of the politics as the auditions are taking place, it’s only once the audition has finished that we understand just how politic this book is in its exploration of these fantasy kingdoms.

Halfway through reading this I learned it was book 1 of a duology and I immediately went and bought the second book so I’d have it ready upon finishing. (Plus I bought Linsey Miller’s other book as well, which I’ve heard has an ace MC, making me very happy!)

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