Review: EVERY VARIABLE OF US by Charles A. Bush

 

Every Variable of Us by Charles A. Bush
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

After Philly teenager Alexis Duncan is injured in a gang shooting, her dreams of a college scholarship and pro basketball career vanish in an instant. To avoid becoming another Black teen trapped in her poverty-stricken neighborhood, she shifts her focus to the school's STEM team, a group of nerds seeking their own college scholarships. Academics have never been her thing, but Alexis is freshly motivated by Aamani Chakrabarti, the new Indian student who becomes her mentor (and crush?). Alexis begins to see herself as so much more than an athlete. But just as her future starts to reform, Alexis’s own doubts and old loyalties pull her back into harm’s way.

— 

This book and these characters are going to stay with me for a long, long time. After reading Every Variable of Us, Charles A. Bush is now an auto-buy author for me.

This story is so many things: it’s about loss and grief, it’s about abuse and survival, it’s about resilience and adapting to not-so-great circumstances. It’s about gangs and relationships. It’s about fears of what the future holds. It’s about family and the people we hold dear. And it says a lot about race too.

Lex is a seventeen-year-old Black girl who’s caught up in a drive by shooting and shot, ending her basketball career. She’s angry and desperate, and so flawed—but understandable and relatable. Her friends are mostly in the ‘gang culture’ and she thought basketball was her way out of the town. After the shooting, she feels she has nothing. Until new student Aamani introduces her to the STEM team and Lex becomes the final After Philly teenager Alexis Duncan is injured in a gang shooting, her dreams of a college scholarship and pro basketball career vanish in an instant. To avoid becoming another Black teen trapped in her poverty-stricken neighborhood, she shifts her focus to the school's STEM team, a group of nerds seeking their own college scholarships. Academics have never been her thing, but Alexis is freshly motivated by Aamani Chakrabarti, the new Indian student who becomes her mentor (and crush?). Alexis begins to see herself as so much more than an athlete. But just as her future starts to reform, Alexis’s own doubts and old loyalties pull her back into harm’s way member of the team, meaning they qualify for competitions.

The character arc for Lex is phenomenal. She goes from looking down on ‘nerds’ to wanting to study and really cares for her STEM teammates. She goes from nearly failing school to improving her GPA by two points, and she finds her own family among new friends. She struggles to navigate her new life as disabled and the effects this has on her career, future, and self-esteem. She wrestles with her sexuality, afraid of being Black and queer, but eventually choosing to embrace her feelings for Aaamani. She examines how much of her fears and beliefs about not being straight are rooted in ideology and her need to minimise the target on her.

Representation in this book is phenomenal. We’ve got Black characters, Asian characters, disabled characters, and neurodivergent characters. We examine white privilege and straight privilege, and we also look at drug addiction and poverty.

Lex’s mother is an addict and her mother’s boyfriend is abusive. Lex has been in multiple foster homes, at least one of which was also abusive. She’s beaten in this book and moves to a ‘crackhouse’ for safety—but she finds people who care for her and are in a position to look after at the end.

Because Lex undergoes such a strong character transformation, there’s very much her old life vs her new. Her former best friend Britt is deeply embedded in the old life—stealing, dealing drugs, living in an abusive foster home, trying to outwit other gangs—and we see her trying to pull Lex back into this life. These moments really are agonising to read. I was begging Lex to not go back to that, to stay with the STEM team, but of course, she didn’t. It was heartbreaking. And especially when Britt is then killed. I did not see that coming, but really I should have because it was inevitable.

And when Britt is murdered, Lex feels she has no choice but to avenge her—something that Aamani gets roped into when trying to stop her. I could not read fast enough here. So powerful and heartbreaking.

Aamani herself is also a great character. She’s Hindu and experiences racism, especially when other characters think she’s Muslim. In the story, she comes out as lesbian first to Lex and then to her parents—and her parents don’t accept it at all. We see Aamani struggling with this and the marriage her parents arrange for her, all the while trying to be Lex’s STEM tutor.

Matthew is on the STEM team and he’s Autistic. There’s an Author’s Note at the start of this book about this representation, emphasising it’s not own-voices autism rep. I loved Matthew’s character and Lex’s friendship with him, but I have seen a few autistic reviewers saying his character is a little stereotypical in places.

Lindsay is also another STEM team member, and Lex doesn’t get on with her at all at first, viewing her as a privileged white girl. Lindsay does seem cold and quite against Lex most of the time, but when we see her family it makes sense. She lives with parents who verbally (and maybe physically?) abuse each other. They have little money and live in a very dangerous neighbourhood. Lindsay is worn out and emotionally exhausted. Her collected, cold persona at school is a facade, and Lex acknowledges that she’s impressed that Lindsay has survived where she’s living.

And the love story. It’s a slow-build f/f between Lex and Aamani, and it challenges a lot of Lex’s misconceptions and her own stereotypes. Lex comes out as bisexual toward the end, as her relationship with Aamani has given her the courage to do this.

There is just so much packed into this story, and I wasn’t expecting it.

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Review: TOXIC by Natasha Devon

 

Toxic by Natasha Green
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Llewella has straight-A grades, a lead in the school play, a prefect badge, a successful blog and a comfortable life. Despite this, she feels like a brown, chubby square peg at a school full of thin, white girls. She's never had a best friend. Could the new student at sixth form - glamorous, streetwise Aretha - be the one? Llewella and Aretha get tight, quick. Before long, Llewella is following a diet Aretha has designed for her and has abandoned her own passions to dive headfirst into Aretha's world. She's determined to be the most loyal, greatest friend she can be, even when Aretha says and does things which make her feel the opposite of great. Even when the anxiety disorder she thought was cured starts to re-emerge. Isn't that how friendships work?

—

This was one of those books I just couldn’t stop reading. I devoured it in two days, even reading until 5am because I just had to finish it.

This book tells the story of Llewella and her new friend, Aretha. And right from the start, we can see that Aretha is a toxic, manipulative friend. I love stories that look at twisted relationships, and I think this is now one of my favourite books about manipulative and toxic female friendships (my other favourite is Genuine Fraud by E. Lockhart).

The friendship portrayed in Toxic is so one-sided, and so many times I just wanted to scream at Llewella to get away from Aretha.

Llewella has anxiety and panic attacks. Aretha pretends she’s good with these, but she’s not. She undermines Llewella’s mental health struggles constantly, and then she herself claims to have bipolar, referring to it as a ‘real’ disorder—oh and she isn’t diagnosed and won’t see a doctor. My jaw hit the floor here. It seems Aretha uses her self-diagnosis as a way to excuse what a horrible person she’s being. She emotionally abused Llewella constantly and it’s so obvious to readers. I was screaming inside as I read this. I don’t think I’ve ever hated a character as much as I hate Aretha. she calls Llewella fat and gives her a meal plan. Llewella spirals into eating disorder territory because of this, but it’s Aretha doing her a favour, ‘improving’ her. Aretha takes over the blog that Llewella started and then makes her start a new brand with her. Llewella’s money goes into it, of course. Aretha wants Llewella to be dependent on her, but then she abandons her at several points, one time in London zone 1, despite Aretha having panic attacks. 

Aretha makes it clear she thinks mental illness is a conspiracy, that it’s something that means the person isn’t strong or resilient (she also is fatphobic and claims a character with PCOS is plus-sized because of lack of discipline and illnesses can’t cause it—Llewella tackles her on this, but of course Aretha turns it around so Llewella is wrong). She uses Llewella’s anxiety against her, so when we do get Aretha saying she thinks she is bipolar, that was immensely interesting. Because, she could have bipolar disorder. But still that doesn’t excuse her treatment of her supposed best friend. And she’s a horrible person. At the start of the book, Llewella is happy, a straight A* student, has an important part in a play, and has a blog and other friends. Not too long after she’s friends with Aretha, Llewella is unhappy, her grades are dropping, she’s got an eating disorder, her panic attacks worsen, she’s in therapy, she gives up the play (as Aretha says she’s got to prioritise), loses her other friends, and she basically loses who she is.  The mental illness rep is phenomenal. Half the time, Aretha is suddenly annoyed with Llewella for no apparent reason, making Llewella’s anxiety much worse. And it amazed me how whenever Aretha was mean to Llewella and Llewella tackled her about it, Aretha turned it round. Seconds later, Llewella was justifying Aretha’s reaction and blaming herself. Classic gaslighting. This is the kind of relationship you see in abusive romantic relationships, and those are covered in books a lot. But this is the first time I’ve seen it done in friendship. And we need this book. 

I really liked how Llewella has a supportive network of women (and her grandfather) around her. These women give her the strength to end the brand with Aretha and gain back some of her happiness. 

This book also tackles racial issues. Both Aretha and Llewella are mixed race, and one example is Aretha is annoyed that Llewella gets a TV opportunity that she doesn’t. She blames it on Llewella being lighter skinned than she is, and tells Llewella to turn the opportunity. Even though it’s what Llewella really wants, and she gets the opportunity because of the blog that she started, two years before she even met Aretha. It appeared to me that Aretha felt entitled to getting the TV role and when Llewella got it instead, she blamed it on racial prejudice. And yes, there could be those reasons in it too, but for me (though I acknowledge I am a white reader), Llewella clearly deserved it. It was her blog. She had done the work. And Aretha clearly didn’t want Llewella to succeed. So while this book does shine a light on the important issue of racial discrimination, it largely does this while also emphasising the toxic character that Aretha was.  But there are Black characters, such as Steph, who also encourage readers to think about race and privilege, and this is done in an unproblematic way—though of course Aretha hates Steph, disagreeing with everything she says, until she can then say the same things to attack Llewella. 

Huge thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for the ARC. This is highly recommending reading and I think it should actually be compulsory reading for teenagers in schools.

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Review: THE BLACK WIDOWS by Angie Thomas

 

The Black Widows by Angie Thomas
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This is the short story that became The Hate U Give, and although it was written several years prior to THUG, you can tell Angie Thomas is a masterful writer. Very skilled.

It tells a version of Khalil's story, and a lead-up to his death, and we see several of the characters from THUG. I especially enjoyed seeing Starr through Khalil's eyes.

There is a hugely strong narrative voice in this story, and Angie Thomas touches on the important themes that her other works examine: racism, education, poverty, and the idea of being trapped in a way of life.

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Review: NOT ALL BLACK GIRLS KNOW HOW TO EAT: A STORY OF BULIMIA by Stephanie Covington Armstrong

 

Not All Black Girls Know How to Eat: A Story of Bulimia by Stephanie Covington Armstrong
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Stephanie Covington Armstrong does not fit the stereotype of a woman with an eating disorder. She grew up poor and hungry in the inner city. Foster care, sexual abuse, and overwhelming insecurity defined her early years. But the biggest difference is her race: Stephanie is black.
 
In this moving first-person narrative, Armstrong describes her struggle as a black woman with a disorder consistently portrayed as a white woman’s problem. Trying to escape her selfhatred and her food obsession by never slowing down, Stephanie becomes trapped in a downward spiral. Finally, she can no longer deny that she will die if she doesn’t get help, overcome her shame, and conquer her addiction to using food as a weapon against herself.
 
For more information about the book and eating disorders, visit www.notallblackgirls.com

---- 

I read this book as part of my MA in Creative Writing as I'd chosen to examine race within eating disorder representation in YA novels. While this book isn't YA or a novel, I found Stephanie Covington Armstrong's memoir extremely helpful for my assignment in which I was arguing that a lot of YA depictions not only gender eating disorder as women's illnesses but also suggest that only white women get them. And this is exactly what Covington Armstrong writes about in this memoir.

The writing is beautiful, and, I'll be honest, the content is harrowing. Of course, there's dark stuff in here--not just around body image and eating disorders and the reality of having bulimia, but we also see how the author was sexually assaulted as a child by her uncle. We see her fragmented relationships with authority figures after this and her anger at various family members.

This book also really shows how eating disorders can be thought of as an addiction, something I hadn't really fully realised before. It was enlightening.

Structurally, it's divided into three parts: before the eating disorder, during, and after/the recovery. This last section did seem a bit simplistic at times, and the author highlights her reliance on God for recovery. This was the part I related to the least really, but as this is memoir and not fiction, how I relate to the events isn't really important. This is Covington Armstrong's story.

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Review: TINY PRETTY THINGS by Sona Charaipotra and Dhonielle Clayton

 

Tiny Pretty Things by Sona Charaipotra
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Now a Netflix TV show!

Black Swan meets Pretty Little Liars in this soapy, drama-packed novel featuring diverse characters who will do anything to be the prima at their elite ballet school.

From the New York Times-bestselling author of The Belles, Dhonielle Clayton, and the author of the highly anticipated Symptoms of a Heartbreak, Sona Charaipotra.

Gigi, Bette, and June, three top students at an exclusive Manhattan ballet school, have seen their fair share of drama. Free-spirited new girl Gigi just wants to dance—but the very act might kill her. Privileged New Yorker Bette's desire to escape the shadow of her ballet-star sister brings out a dangerous edge in her. And perfectionist June needs to land a lead role this year or her controlling mother will put an end to her dancing dreams forever.

When every dancer is both friend and foe, the girls will sacrifice, manipulate, and backstab to be the best of the best.

Don’t miss the gossip, lies, and scandal that continues in Tiny Pretty Things’ gripping sequel, Shiny Broken Pieces!

----

I read this book after having seen the Netflix series--albeit I'd bought the book before the TV series came out--and there's something really addictive about it. Usually, I end up liking either the book or the adaptation more--but it wasn't the case with this. I think I liked them both equally, even though they're quite different in terms of plot and character.

I couldn't stop reading this book, and it was one of those that I really wanted to savour. For a start, it's about ballet dancers and I don't know why, but I just can't get enough of ballet fiction at the moment. There's something so enticing about it.

Tiny Pretty Things is a dark book, and though it's about petty teen drama at a lot times, it also covers quite a lot of difficult themes: eating disorders, mental illness, bullying, assault, violence. And all of these things are covered so expertly and sensitivity. And I did I mention it's got perhaps the most diverse cast I've ever read? Of it's three narrators, Gigi is Black and June is Korean. Oh and Gigi has a chronic illness too. And I just loved that rep, as a chronically ill person myself.

Going back to the three narrators, too--each narrator felt like she had equal importance in the story. It was well balanced and the structure really worked. Not to mention that the narrative voices of each POV character were different as well, so that was really amazing.

At its heart, this is a book about the toxic competitive natures of teen ballet girls and what they'll do to succeed (a theme which is taken even further in the sequel which I read straight after this and am about to review too). But here's also a fair amount of romance for two out of the three narrators, and there are some touching moments of friendship and family too.

And there are unreliable narrators! Which I LOVED.

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Review: POINTE by Brandy Colbert

 

Pointe by Brandy Colbert
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Theo is better now.

She's eating again, dating guys who are almost appropriate, and well on her way to becoming an elite ballet dancer. But when her oldest friend, Donovan, returns home after spending four long years with his kidnapper, Theo starts reliving memories about his abduction—and his abductor.

Donovan isn't talking about what happened, and even though Theo knows she didn't do anything wrong, telling the truth would put everything she's been living for at risk. But keeping quiet might be worse.

-- 

This book!!! This book has SO MUCH THAT I LOVE IN A YOUNG ADULT BOOK!

It's got ballet--huge bonus, and this is primarily what drew me to the book as I'm on the lookout for ballet books at the moment.

It's got a girl in recovery for an eating disorder--this is also what drew me to the book, as I'm examining eating disorders in YA lit as part of my MA in Creative Writing. (And the eating disorder rep is really good and authentic in this one).

It's got a child abduction--so this sounds weird saying that I love this in a book, but it gives it the thriller vibe that I adore.

And it's also got darkness. A lot of darkness.

Theo is the main character, a Black ballet dancer and the one with the eating disorder. Her best friend Donovan was kidnapped several years ago, but now he's back. And the man who is facing trial for abducting him? He's also a friend of Theo's.

Okay, spoilers ahead.

We quickly learn that thirteen-year-old Theo was more than friends with eighteen-year-old man who went on to abduct Donovan. We learn that she was also groomed sexually by this man, and we see her come to terms with the fact she was raped by him.

She struggles a lot with this, not believing it to be rape at first, but then realises she needs to tell the truth to help Donovan. And I think that's what is at the heart of this book--truth.

It's raw and it doesn't shy away from difficult topics. In fact, this book does an awful lot. And that's what makes it such a vital read. I'd recommend parents of teens read this one too, not just young adults. It really is eye-opening.

Content warnings for child sexual abuse and rape, drugs, grooming, mental illness, eating disorders, low self-esteem.

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Review: OFF THE RECORD by Camryn Garrett

 

Off the Record by Camryn Garrett
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

The behind-the-scenes access of Almost Famous meets the searing revelations of #metoo in this story of a teen journalist who uncovers the scandal of the decade.

Ever since seventeen-year-old Josie Wright can remember, writing has been her identity, the thing that grounds her when everything else is a garbage fire. So when she wins a contest to write a celebrity profile for Deep Focus magazine, she’s equal parts excited and scared, but also ready. She’s got this.

Soon Josie is jetting off on a multi-city tour, rubbing elbows with sparkly celebrities, frenetic handlers, stone-faced producers, and eccentric stylists. She even finds herself catching feelings for the subject of her profile, dazzling young newcomer Marius Canet. Josie’s world is expanding so rapidly, she doesn’t know whether she’s flying or falling. But when a young actress lets her in on a terrible secret, the answer is clear: she’s in over her head.

One woman’s account leads to another and another. Josie wants to expose the man responsible, but she’s reluctant to speak up, unsure if this is her story to tell. What if she lets down the women who have entrusted her with their stories? What if this ends her writing career before it even begins? There are so many reasons not to go ahead, but if Josie doesn’t step up, who will?

From the author of Full Disclosure, this is a moving testament to the #MeToo movement, and all the ways women stand up for each other. 

--- 

Oh my goodness. How have I not reviewed this book sooner?

I read it a couple of months ago, and, just wow. This book is amazing. It's got the most realistic depiction of anxiety that I've ever seen. And I loved how Josie, the main character, doesn't have friends. She's got her sisters, and though she wishes she has close friends, we see realism reflected here. It is so good.

In the wake of #MeToo movement, this book is so, so important. Writing is the most important thing in Josie's life, and she not only wins a competition to write for a top magazine, but she also uses her writing to expose a predator and the awful behaviour and actions (sexual assaults) that a lot of young women and men experience in the film industry. This book just feels so, so important, and I almost got nervous reading it.

There's also romance that feels really wholesome and genuine, and I loved how Josie made mistakes in this. She wasn't perfect and a lot of the time she let her beliefs blind her to other things. (Oh and there's bisexual rep too!) 

Sisterhood is very important in this novel. Josie has her sisters and we really see the strength of their bond. We see it on the page, and this was just amazing. 

And there are also so many things in this book too that it tackles: racism, body image, sexuality, mental illness, art vs creator.    

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Review: PUNCHING THE AIR by Ibi Zoboi and Yusef Salaam

 

Punching the Air by Ibi Zoboi
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

From award-winning, bestselling author Ibi Zoboi and prison reform activist Yusef Salaam of the Exonerated Five comes a powerful YA novel in verse about a boy who is wrongfully incarcerated. Perfect for fans of Jason Reynolds, Walter Dean Myers, and Elizabeth Acevedo.

The story that I thought

was my life

didn’t start on the day

I was born

Amal Shahid has always been an artist and a poet. But even in a diverse art school, he’s seen as disruptive and unmotivated by a biased system. Then one fateful night, an altercation in a gentrifying neighborhood escalates into tragedy. “Boys just being boys” turns out to be true only when those boys are white.

The story that I think

will be my life

starts today

Suddenly, at just sixteen years old, Amal’s bright future is upended: he is convicted of a crime he didn’t commit and sent to prison. Despair and rage almost sink him until he turns to the refuge of his words, his art. This never should have been his story. But can he change it?

With spellbinding lyricism, award-winning author Ibi Zoboi and prison reform activist Yusef Salaam tell a moving and deeply profound story about how one boy is able to maintain his humanity and fight for the truth, in a system designed to strip him of both.

--

Wow, this book. I am SO glad I heard the authors talking about it at an online con, and so glad I decided to order a copy of it, and so glad that I then ordered a second copy of it when the first copy got soaked and was unreadable, and just so so so glad I've read it.

It's amazing.

It's a novel-in-verse about a Black teenage boy called Amal who gets into a fight with his friends against some others and punches a white boy. The white boy's now in a coma, and although Amal didn't throw the last punch--the one that put the boy into a coma--he finds himself locked up in a juvenile detention facility. This book exposes the injustices and racism within the system (both the justice system and the prison system), and it examines racial profiling. One of the authors, Yusef Salaam is also one of The Exonerated Five and has personal experience of this happening to him. Although this isn't his story (as an author's note tells us), some of Yusef's own poetry is infused into Amal's story. And, wow, it's just SO powerful.

The language and rhythm in this poetry is phenomenal.

This book should be required reading in all schools.

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Review: CONCRETE ROSE by Angie Thomas

 

Concrete Rose by Angie Thomas
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

International phenomenon Angie Thomas revisits Garden Heights seventeen years before the events of The Hate U Give in this searing and poignant exploration of Black boyhood and manhood.

If there’s one thing seventeen-year-old Maverick Carter knows, it’s that a real man takes care of his family. As the son of a former gang legend, Mav does that the only way he knows how: dealing for the King Lords. With this money he can help his mom, who works two jobs while his dad’s in prison.

Life’s not perfect, but with a fly girlfriend and a cousin who always has his back, Mav’s got everything under control.

Until, that is, Maverick finds out he’s a father.

Suddenly he has a baby, Seven, who depends on him for everything. But it’s not so easy to sling dope, finish school, and raise a child. So when he’s offered the chance to go straight, he takes it. In a world where he’s expected to amount to nothing, maybe Mav can prove he’s different.

When King Lord blood runs through your veins, though, you can't just walk away. Loyalty, revenge, and responsibility threaten to tear Mav apart, especially after the brutal murder of a loved one. He’ll have to figure out for himself what it really means to be a man.

----

This book--just wow!!!! I loved THE HATE U GIVE, and so the moment I heard that CONCRETE ROSE was set in the same world of Garden Heights, I just had to drop everything and read it immediately. And I'm sooooo glad I did.

Angie Thomas's writing is just amazing, and this story is so, so real. It's authentic and compelling. And it really helps to remove stigma too.

Maverick is such a great character. He is a Black man who is in a gang. He deals drugs, and there's drug-related violence, and drug-related murders and deaths affecting those close to him. But he is so much more than this--he's a doting father, even as a teenager. He's only selling drugs as he needs to support his mother, and especially when he finds out he's got a child. (And then discovers his girlfriend is also pregnant--two children. He is desperate to provide for his family.) He's fiercely protective of his family and friends. He's kind. He's genuine. We see him make mistakes--and we see him learn from mistakes.

Mav's father is in prison for the entirety of the book, and we learn that this is because the only way out of the King Lords' gang is to be go to prison, often taking the fall for someone else in the gang, or to end up dead. Mav says countless times how he was encouraged by his father to join the gang for his protection--and we can really see this in the book too. King and the other King Lords do protect him from the GDs, the warring gang. And we can see how this almost creates a vicious cycle of these men ending up in prison. Something Mav is desperate to avoid as he wants to be there for his children, especially when he knows what it's like to grow up with a father in prison.

But then Mav's cousin is murdered and he's expected to kill the murderer. We see his desperation to do this, and it's heartbreaking because we've already been shown what could happen.

And, you know what? I desperately wanted things to work out for Maverick--perhaps more than any other protagonist I'd read. And I was so worried that it was going to end with him in big trouble in prison (like, I was sure that was happening). Thankfully, it didn't--though having read THUG we get a hint of what Maverick does have to do to get out of the gang.

But, yes, I couldn't read this book fast enough. (I also LOVED the reference to Justyce in Nic Stone's Dear Martin too!)

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Review: FULL DISCLOSURE by Camryn Garrett

 

Full Disclosure by Camryn Garrett
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

In a community that isn't always understanding, an HIV-positive teen must navigate fear, disclosure, and radical self-acceptance when she falls in love--and lust--for the first time. Powerful and uplifting, Full Disclosure will speak to fans of Angie Thomas and Nicola Yoon.

Simone Garcia-Hampton is starting over at a new school, and this time things will be different. She's making real friends, making a name for herself as student director of Rent, and making a play for Miles, the guy who makes her melt every time he walks into a room. The last thing she wants is for word to get out that she's HIV-positive, because last time . . . well, last time things got ugly.

Keeping her viral load under control is easy, but keeping her diagnosis under wraps is not so simple. As Simone and Miles start going out for real--shy kisses escalating into much more--she feels an uneasiness that goes beyond butterflies. She knows she has to tell him that she's positive, especially if sex is a possibility, but she's terrified of how he'll react! And then she finds an anonymous note in her locker: I know you have HIV. You have until Thanksgiving to stop hanging out with Miles. Or everyone else will know too.

Simone's first instinct is to protect her secret at all costs, but as she gains a deeper understanding of the prejudice and fear in her community, she begins to wonder if the only way to rise above is to face the haters head-on...

--

This is an amazing book (and it's got amazing narration too--I read it as an audiobook), and I can't stop thinking about it. You know, every now and then you come across a book that's so so so important, that you know is a significant book that you just want to make everyone read? Well, this is it.

I've been looking for more books with chronically ill main characters, and Simone (the MC) is HIV positive. She was born with the virus, as her birth mother had it and was untreated, and as a baby Simone was really unwell. Now, however, she's got her viral load under control, so she's not actually unwell with HIV in this book. Instead, this book is about how Simone's navigating her first relationship with a boy--while believing she is probably bisexual--and she's directing her first play. But there's someone in her school who knows she's HIV positive, and they're determined to make things hard for her, threatening to reveal her secret if she doesn't break up with Miles.

I'll confess--before this book, I knew practically nothing about HIV. I wasn't even taught about it at school, and reading this was eye-opening. I learnt so much, and I'm kind of horrified by how schools hadn't taught this. For example, I didn't know there were medications that could make the viral load undetectable, and when it's undetectable it's untransmissible.

This book tackles the stigma around HIV. We see Simone as she's bullied by a classmate, threatened with having her secret exposed for all, and we see how her close friends and boyfriend react when she tells them she's positive. We know that she's already moved school before when people found out--and parents of other kids were petitioning for her to be taught separately to their children--and we see first-hand the awful way she's treated because of others' lack of knowledge and understanding.
The person threatening to expose her secret does indeed do exactly this--and then we see again how she is treated, this time with social media being hugely involved.

But this book isn't just about HIV. It's about Simone who wants to be theatre director, it's about her finding her identity and accepting herself. At its heart, it's a cute love-story (one of the best I've read), and it's also got thriller elements, with the unknown person trying to blackmail Simone.

It's also about sex--a lot. Although there's no actual sex scenes, there's a lot of discussion about it, not just about how Simone needs to be careful due to having HIV, but there's also general rhetoric on safe sex, on exploring sexual desires for the first time.

This book also has a lot of diversity. Simone and Miles are both Black. Claudia, one of Simone's best friends, is asexual, and Lydia (the other best friend) is bisexual. Simone is also bisexual. Then we've got Simone's parents--they're in a same-sex marriage, and one is Black and the other Mexican. Jesse, one of the Simone's classmates, is gay. There's just so much diversity in this.

This is a highly recommended read, and it's a great way for me to finish 2020.

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Review: DEAR MARTIN by Nic Stone

 

Dear Martin by Nic Stone
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

'A powerful, wrenching, and compulsively readable story that lays bare the history, and the present, of racism in America' John Green, bestselling author of Turtles All the Way Down
'Absolutely incredible, honest, gut-wrenching! A must-read!' Angie Thomas, bestselling author of  The Hate U Give
 
Raw, captivating, and undeniably real, Nic Stone boldly tackles American race relations in this stunning debut.
 
Justyce McAllister is top of his class and set for the Ivy League – but none of that matters to the police officer who just put him in handcuffs. And despite leaving his rough neighbourhood behind, he can't escape the scorn of his former peers or the ridicule of his new classmates.
 
Justyce looks to the teachings of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. for answers. But do they hold up anymore? He starts a journal to Dr. King to find out.
 
Then comes the day Justyce goes driving with his best friend, Manny, windows rolled down, music turned up – way up, sparking the fury of a white off-duty police officer beside them. Words fly. Shots are fired. Justyce and Manny are caught in the crosshairs. In the media fallout, it's Justyce who is under attack.

--

Reading this book was like being punched in the gut. Repeatedly.

I'd actually been sitting on this book for a while. It's been on my kindle for a good year or so, and I don't know what exactly was stopping me from reading it--I guess, maybe, the hype. Because I'd heard so much good stuff about this book, and that always makes me nervous in case the book doesn't live up to my expectations.

I've been trying to read more Black authors this year, and having recently finished books by Kimberly Jones and Tiffany Jackson, I decided to give this one a go.

I normally don't get hooked on books written in third person--I need that intimacy and immediacy that first person offers--but this book is an exception. Dear Martin is phenomenal.

It examines racism and police brutality, when Black young men are gunned down by police for no reason. Justyce, our main character, is complex. He's a young Black man who, right at the start, experiences racial profiling. We see his thought processes as they unwind, see how he tries to forget about this, but only has it circling more and more in his head. He writes letters to Martin Luther King as a way to cope with this racism, and we see how his hope is gradually replaced with despair, to the point where he stops writing to Martin.

Spoilers ahead now--So, let's talk about the big moment in this book: Manny's death. Manny is Justyce's best friend and is also Black. And just after halfway through the book, he is killed by a police officer in front of Justyce. That was such a gut-punching, heart-wrenching moment. I didn't see it coming at all. And it's Manny's death that prompts our MC to question everything. He begins to question what the point is in even fighting people's assumptions, when they don't change their behaviour. He considers joining a gang. It's all just so powerful and raises so many questions and discussion points.

This is a great book to start a conversation (a hugely important and vital one) on race, police violence, and racism.

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Review: I'M NOT DYING WITH YOU TONIGHT by Kimberly Jones and Gilly Segal

 

I'm Not Dying with You Tonight by Kimberly Jones
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

"An absolute page turner, I’m Not Dying with You Tonight is a compelling and powerful novel that is sure to make an impact." —Angie Thomas, New York Times bestselling author of The Hate U Give

An NAACP Image Award Nominee, I’m Not Dying with You Tonight follows two teen girls—one black, one white—who have to confront their own assumptions about racial inequality as they rely on each other to get through the violent race riot that has set their city on fire with civil unrest.

Lena has her killer style, her awesome boyfriend, and a plan. She knows she’s going to make it big. Campbell, on the other hand, is just trying to keep her head down and get through the year at her new school.

When both girls attend the Friday-night football game, what neither expects is for everything to descend into sudden mass chaos. Chaos born from violence and hate. Chaos that unexpectedly throws them together.

They aren’t friends. They hardly understand the other’s point of view. But none of that matters when the city is up in flames, and they only have each other to rely on if they’re going to survive the night.

--

I was watching a masterclass on Writing as a Political Act as part of YALL WRITE (the online Yall Fest 2020), and that's where I first came across Kimberly Jones and Gilly Segal, along with the other two panelists Yusef Salaam and Ibi Zoboi. This was one of the most useful masterclasses I've ever watched and afterward, I promptly bought this book (as well as Punching the Air by Salaam and Zoboi). So that's how I came across I'm Not Dying With You Tonight.

Prior to starting this book, during the masterclass, I heard Jones and Segal talking about the main two characters, Lena and Campbell. I was invested in these characters through hearing the authors speak, especially when they talked about how politically aware their MCs are and how this is different from being politically active.

I'm Not Dying With You Tonight follows two high-school girls--one black, one white--as an argument at their school turns into shootings and a riot that spreads across many parts of the town. These two girls are trying to get home and have to rely on each other to survive. Lena and Campbell aren't friends prior to this and in a lot of parts, neither understands the other's view. Campbell cannot understand at first why Lena, who is Black, is rightfully fearful of the police, and Lena cannot understand Campbell's (who is white) poverty. This book directly tackles racism and police brutality toward Black people and it's an informative and enlightening read. A very important read.

It's an addictive read and so, so powerful. I think it took me just over a day to read it. It's a powerful novel, and while I did find parts of it to be very plot-driven rather than character-driven, both Lena and Campbell are well-developed. Given the nature of this book, I do think it needs to be plot-driven, so it's not a criticism, as it's literally about how these two girls survive and depend on each other, when events out of their control are thrown at them.

The conversation on racism that this book delivers is the strongest part of this book--and I believe that's its intention. This book highlights the ignorance of white people as well as subtly-racist attitudes that are prevalent. It also speaks on socioeconomic issues too, like poverty.

I highly recommend this book.

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Review: GROWN by Tiffany D. Jackson

 

Grown by Tiffany D. Jackson
My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Korey Fields is dead.

When Enchanted Jones wakes with blood on her hands and zero memory of the previous night, no one—the police and Korey’s fans included—has more questions than she does. All she really knows is that this isn't how things are supposed to be. Korey was Enchanted’s ticket to stardom.

Before there was a dead body, Enchanted was an aspiring singer, struggling with her tight knit family’s recent move to the suburbs while trying to find her place as the lone Black girl in high school. But then legendary R&B artist Korey Fields spots her at an audition. And suddenly her dream of being a professional singer takes flight.

Enchanted is dazzled by Korey’s luxurious life but soon her dream turns into a nightmare. Behind Korey’s charm and star power hides a dark side, one that wants to control her every move, with rage and consequences. Except now he’s dead and the police are at the door. Who killed Korey Fields?

All signs point to Enchanted.

Award-winning author Tiffany D. Jackson delivers another riveting, ripped-from-the-headlines mystery that exposes horrific secrets hiding in the limelight and the power of a young woman’s voice.

--

This book. Wow.

So I finished GROWN about a week ago, and I immediately began another Tiffany D. Jackson book (Allegedly) as I felt I had to read more of her work right away, while I processed Grown. Because this book is amazing.

Inspired by the allegations of sexual misconduct against R. Kelly, Grown tells the story of 29-year-old Korey Fields, a powerful singer who grooms and abuses teenage girls, the latest of whom is Enchanted Jones, our protagonist. We're swept up, just like Enchanted is, as Korey pays her attention and promises to help her launch her own singing career. And the writing is so strong and powerful, that we almost 'feel' the grooming and emotional manipulation taking place. This book--I haven't even got the words to express it.

We feel Enchanted's fear as she realises the danger she's now in, and we feel her helplessness. This is just so well written. And Jackson does a great job of exposing what grooming's really like and how 'easily' it can happen. I also really appreciated how she showed just how many other people kept quiet about the abuse, allowing it to happen (all the people Korey was close to), how the abusers are automatically believed over the victims, particularly when the abusers are in positions of power and fame, and how the abuse was both psychological and physical. All too often, we see stories liked this where the abuse is either one of the other, but it's realistic to show how it's both at the same time.

There are some hugely tough and triggering scenes in this: Korey locks Enchanted in a room for days with only a bucket to go to the toilet in, he strips away her dignity, her hope, he lies about her family, telling Enchanted that her parents are angry with her, and also that he's giving them money for having her. There's also sexual assault and rape--and we see this not just with Enchanted, but with another girl, Amber who's fourteen. There's also drug use, addiction, self-harm, suicide threats, and power misuse.

And the book opens with Korey dead and Enchanted covered in blood--that's what makes this different from a story of grooming and paedophilia. It's a tense thriller too. And the narrative alternates between telling us the story of the grooming and sexual abuse, with the present day story of the aftermath of Korey's death and how Enchanted's being set up for his murder.

This is a horrifying but oh-so-important book that examines power and abuse. It's difficult to read, but it's one of the books that I think everyone must.

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Review: ALLEGEDLY by Tiffany D. Jackson

 

Allegedly by Tiffany D. Jackson
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Mary B. Addison killed a baby.

Allegedly. She didn’t say much in that first interview with detectives, and the media filled in the only blanks that mattered: A white baby had died while under the care of a churchgoing black woman and her nine-year-old daughter. The public convicted Mary and the jury made it official. But did she do it? She wouldn’t say.

Mary survived six years in baby jail before being dumped in a group home. The house isn’t really “home”—no place where you fear for your life can be considered a home. Home is Ted, who she meets on assignment at a nursing home.

There wasn’t a point to setting the record straight before, but now she’s got Ted—and their unborn child—to think about. When the state threatens to take her baby, Mary must find the voice to fight her past. And her fate lies in the hands of the one person she distrusts the most: her Momma. No one knows the real Momma. But who really knows the real Mary?


--


Allegedly is the third book by Tiffany D. Jackson that I've read, though it was her first published, and I know this is going to be a book that stays with me for a long time.

This book tells the story of a Mary, a Black girl who allegedly killed a white baby when she was nine years old. She's now 16, pregnant, in a group home, and fighting to find a way to keep her baby and clear her name. And it's... ahh, I just haven't got the words. This is a book that is dark and gritty, it's disturbing and emotional. And I was rooting for Mary the whole way...

But the ending--okay, so there's a HUGE twist (and I should've anticipated that, given Jackson wrote this). And the twist completely changes the whole story--like, literally you're in the final chapter and you learn something that means you view the whole of the rest of the book differently. And I can't decide whether I liked that twist. I mean, it was shocking and impactful, but with us only having one chapter for this twist, it made the ending feel a little rushed. I'd have liked a couple more chapters to really smooth it out and delve deeper into the implications of this twist. (A twist that I did not see coming whatsoever--and it's so hard to write about this without giving spoilers!)

Mary is a complex character. We feel her pain and desperation. She's realistic and so well written. In fact, all the characters are. But it's only once you get deep into the novel that you begin to realise just how unreliable Mary is as a narrator--yet the whole time I was willing her not to be the classic unreliable narrator. It really is such good writing.

And the twist at the end really changes the way you view Mary's mother--and both 'versions' of the mother are so believable. And that's just a sign of such fantastic writing.

I found this book addictive. I could not stop reading it. It also employs some excellent narrative devices to show other sides of the story. While Mary narrates the main narrative, we have snippets of police interviews, excerpts from books that others have written about the Mary B. Addison case, and interviews with Mary's mother and the mother of Alyssa, the baby who Mary allegedly murdered. 

It's a difficult book to read. Obviously, it deals with the murder of a baby. You've also got references to child abuse and rape, as well as a lot of discourse on racism. It is such an important read, I cannot stress that enough. But I do think I prefer Jackson's later books (which also deal with unreliable narrators and racism). Still, this is a highly recommended read.

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Review: MONDAY’S NOT COMING by Tiffany Jackson

Monday's Not Coming by Tiffany D. Jackson
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Monday Charles is missing, and only Claudia seems to notice. Claudia and Monday have always been inseparable—more sisters than friends. So when Monday doesn’t turn up for the first day of school, Claudia’s worried. When she doesn’t show for the second day, or second week, Claudia knows that something is wrong. Monday wouldn’t just leave her to endure tests and bullies alone. Not after last year’s rumors and not with her grades on the line. Now Claudia needs her best—and only—friend more than ever. But Monday’s mother refuses to give Claudia a straight answer, and Monday’s sister April is even less help.

As Claudia digs deeper into her friend’s disappearance, she discovers that no one seems to remember the last time they saw Monday. How can a teenage girl just vanish without anyone noticing that she’s gone?

___

Okay, so I’ve been wanting to read this book for what seems like ages, and when my UK pre-order finally arrived, I was ecstatic. And this book is AMAZING. Seriously. It blew me away. I can’t believe just how good it was. It’s probably my favourite read of 2018 so far.

It’s rare that I read a book that I had such high expectations for based on what I’ve heard AND it lives up to those expectations. Well, in fact, this book exceeded them BY FAR.

I loved how the different timelines are woven together, how we see the before and after of the disappearance of Monday Charles—and the effect this has on the narrator, Claudia. And wow, that twist near the end? I did not see that coming. I was speechless.

And Tiffany Jackson is an expert and creating tension, let me tell you! I just had to keep reading. Jackson is now an auto-buy author for me.

In summary, MONDAY’S NOT COMING is an emotional, poignant, and harrowing story of a girl’s disappearance and her best friend’s struggle to find out what happened to her. It covers difficult topics—child abuse, neglect, and bullying, to name a few—but in a skilled and sensitive way, all the while creating a real page-turner that had me reading well into the night.

Five stars, without a doubt.

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