Review: PAPERWEIGHT by Meg Haston

Title: Paperweight
Author: Meg Haston
Publisher: HarperTeen
My rating: 4 stars

Seventeen-year-old Stevie is trapped. In her life. And now in an eating-disorder treatment center on the dusty outskirts of the New Mexico desert.

Life in the center is regimented and intrusive, a nightmare come true. Nurses and therapists watch Stevie at mealtime, accompany her to the bathroom, and challenge her to eat the foods she’s worked so hard to avoid.

Her dad has signed her up for sixty days of treatment. But what no one knows is that Stevie doesn't plan to stay that long. There are only twenty-seven days until the anniversary of her brother Josh’s death—the death she caused. And if Stevie gets her way, there are only twenty-seven days until she too will end her life.

Review: 

Wow, so this is a hard book to write about because the story is so raw and poignant, believable and haunting.

I've had a copy of this book for about nine months. I purchased it after being recommended several titles about teenagers struggling with eating disorders, from one of the #UKYAChat sessions. This is the last of those books that I got around to reading--the others including titles such as Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson and Countless by Karen Gregory. One of the reasons I left this book for such a long time, not reading it alongside the other books about eating disorders, is because I thought it might be very triggering for me. Reading the back cover copy had me a little worried. In actual fact, I found Anderson's book to be the most triggering, and Paperweight was more hopeful than I'd anticipated, despite the darkness in its pages. 

This book does cover some very dark topics. You've got suicidal ideation, attempted suicide, suicide planning, self-harm, the death of a sibling, guilt, and blame. Alongside these, the main characters (apart from Shrink) have Anorexia Nervosa and/or Bulimia Nervosa. 

The story opens with Stevie on her way to a treatment centre, and follows her journey. This character is written fantastically. From what I understand, this book is an #ownvoices eating disorder story, as there's an author's note in the back that briefly mentions that Meg Haston has been both a therapist and patient. Stevie's struggle is portrayed really realistically, and she felt so real. We really feel where she's at emotionally as she goes from resistive to accepting of how sick she is, with lots of see-sawing on the way. 

Identity seems to be a huge part of this book, and (spoiler ahead) Stevie wanted the label of anorexia rather than bulimia. Her explanations as to why really resonated with me and it was at that point where I felt I really understood who she was. She needs the labels because of what they represent in her eyes and in the eyes of others. 

Another big theme in this book is toxic relationships. You've got Stevie's fraught relationship with her mother, and also the very controlling and toxic friendship (which becomes something more) between Eden and Stevie. Eden is a fascinating character and I loved how her relationship with Stevie was juxtaposed against the more healthy connection Stevie develops with Ashley at the treatment centre. Stevie's realisation that Ashley wants to be her friend whereas Eden just wants to eclipse her was such a powerful moment. 

Overall, this is a great read.

Review: UNDONE by Cat Clarke

Undone by Cat Clarke
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Jem Halliday is in love with her gay best friend. Not exactly ideal, but she's learning to live with it.

Then the unspeakable happens. Kai is outed online ... and he kills himself.

Jem knows nothing she can say or do will bring him back. But she wants to know who was responsible. And she wants to take them down.

A searing story of love, revenge and betrayal from a bestselling author.

--

For much of this book, I simply didn’t know what to think. It had the usual challenging and sensitive topics that Cat Clarke covers in her books, and was written in the same engaging, addictive style, but I often felt so disconnected from the main characters. The first two-thirds in particular just lacked the connection to Jem that I’d hoped for. Mainly I believe this is because she’s just such an unlikeable character. But I was really hoping for that connecting moment that I got with all of Clarke’s other books. And I didn’t really get it.

Jem is mean and seeking revenge, she doesn’t care who she hurts, she spreads nasty rumours (after having seen the devastating damage they can do), and she bulldozes her way over people’s feelings. All of this she believes is okay because she’s doing it for her best friend Kai who committed suicide.

I can see that her behaviour is in part because she’s grieving and full of so much pain, but I just couldn’t get on board with it. She changes into a different person completely—something she acknowledges. But the more she wanted to hurt Lucas, Stu, and Bugs, the more I empathised with them—and I strongly suspected (spoiler alert!) the twist that was coming at the end, regarding who the real “perpetrators” were.

Sasha was by far my favourite character—yet Jem takes great care to point out how fake and too pretty she is. Yet she’s honestly the nicest one in the book. I also liked Lucas (though I didn’t quite believe in the romance between him and Jem, especially when the book starts with him with Sasha).

The addition of Kai’s letters to Jem throughout the book was great. My only problem is that because they were images of handwriting, my kindle had problems displaying them big enough to read. Unfortunately, the letters made Kai rather unlikebale as he tries to change who Jem is, telling her to change her hair and her clothes.

The ending was great though! The tension was brilliant and the final twist was heart-breaking.

Warning: this book contains suicide and suicidal ideation.

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Review: ENTANGLED by Cat Clarke

Entangled by Cat Clarke
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Seventeen-year-old Grace wakes up in a white room, with table, pens and paper - and no clue how she got there.
As Grace starts writing, pouring her tangled life onto the page, she is forced to remember everything she's tried to forget: falling hopelessly in love with Nat, and the unravelling of her friendship with her best mate Sal. But there's something missing. As hard as she's trying to remember, is there something she just can't see?

Grace must face the most important question of all.

Why is she here?

A compulsive thriller of dangerous secrets, intense friendships and electrifying attraction.

--

Entangled is the third book by Cat Clarke that I’ve read and I have slightly mixed feelings on it. On the one hand, this is an amazing book, tackling hugely important subjects in a very powerful way. But on the other, I just didn’t feel I connected to it on the same level as her other books—there were certain things I found hard to believe (all revolving around the character of Ethan) and Grace’s present-day storyline was one I didn’t find that engaging as it didn’t seem that believable. But the ending and the huge reveal about Ethan totally made it all make sense—the reasons behind why this character was written that way, and what was going on with Grace in the present-day scenes, became totally clear and made the book suddenly a lot deeper and more thoughtful. I now see that it couldn’t have been written any other way, and having this sense of disconnection with Grace and Ethan, and the confusion, made sense. It was a relief to know that Cat Clarke had been one step ahead of me the whole time.

One striking thing about this book is how it jumps from the past to the present tense, and how the words we read are the words the MC writes as Ethan encourages her to write. I really liked that. It was very much a story told through another story, and the non-linear narrative made it very interesting.

**minor spoilers in this paragraph** ENTANGLED deals with some difficult topics: self-harm, sexual assault, trauma, teen pregnancy, abortion, attempted suicide (and the suicide of a parent), self-worth, and betrayal, to name a few. You’ve also got complex familial relationships and an examination of communication.

The characterisation is strong. Grace, Sal, and Nat were all very rounded characters, believable and with realistic flaws. Due to spoilers, I can’t write much about Ethan—his character is odd, but that is explained and “redeemed”. My slight annoyance is how Si isn’t given much page-time, yet he’s revealed to be a crucial character by the end. In fact, I don’t even remember any scenes where Grace (the narrator) met him and thus I felt a disconnection.

This book is a page-turner though. There’s something deliciously compelling about the writing, and I read pretty much the whole book over night.

Review: WE WERE LIARS by E. Lockhart

We Were Liars by E. Lockhart
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

We are the Liars.
We are beautiful, privileged and live a life of carefree luxury.
We are cracked and broken.
A story of love and romance.
A tale of tragedy.
Which are lies?
Which is truth?

--

I’ve heard so much about We Were Liars by E. Lockhart and it’s one of those books where I was almost nervous to read it because I didn’t think it could live up to my now high expectations of it. But it did, and it surpassed them.

This is a dark, twisty contemporary story about friendship, forbidden love, dark secrets, guilt, blame, and a family that is both loving and toxic. It’s skilfully written and kept me eagerly turning the pages.

There are a lot of characters in this book, and it took me a while to remember who was who and work out the familial relations. We’ve got multiple timelines too, as the story is told in Cadence’s present day, as well as at least the summers of the last two years. These timelines have been wonderfully slotted together, and we meet Cody before and after her accident, and really want to discover what happened along with her (she has selective amnesia).

The characterisation was wonderful. I really felt like I knew each of the Liars, the four main characters. They felt like real people.

The twist ending? Well, I can’t say too much because of huge spoilers—but I did NOT see that coming. And due to a friend telling me that there was a huge twist, I was already on the lookout, yet E. Lockhart still managed to blow me away. I was speechless, yet the reveal felt right. It felt natural for the story, and I could easily see how the signs were there—I’d just interpreted them incorrectly.

There’s also something lyrical about the writing, and not only does it really match Cady’s troubled voice, but it also spoke to me on an inner level. I realise how weird that sounds, but I don’t know how else to say it. This book felt like it was letting me in on a secret as I read it, and I felt privileged to discover the story.

This may be the first book I’ve finished in 2019, but I already know it’s going to be one of my top reads this year.