Author: Meg Haston
Publisher: HarperTeen
My rating: 4 stars
Seventeen-year-old Stevie is trapped. In her life. And now in an eating-disorder treatment center on the dusty outskirts of the New Mexico desert.
Life in the center is regimented and intrusive, a nightmare come true. Nurses and therapists watch Stevie at mealtime, accompany her to the bathroom, and challenge her to eat the foods she’s worked so hard to avoid.
Her dad has signed her up for sixty days of treatment. But what no one knows is that Stevie doesn't plan to stay that long. There are only twenty-seven days until the anniversary of her brother Josh’s death—the death she caused. And if Stevie gets her way, there are only twenty-seven days until she too will end her life.
Review:
Wow, so this is a hard book to write about because the story is so raw and poignant, believable and haunting.
I've had a copy of this book for about nine months. I purchased it after being recommended several titles about teenagers struggling with eating disorders, from one of the #UKYAChat sessions. This is the last of those books that I got around to reading--the others including titles such as Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson and Countless by Karen Gregory. One of the reasons I left this book for such a long time, not reading it alongside the other books about eating disorders, is because I thought it might be very triggering for me. Reading the back cover copy had me a little worried. In actual fact, I found Anderson's book to be the most triggering, and Paperweight was more hopeful than I'd anticipated, despite the darkness in its pages.
This book does cover some very dark topics. You've got suicidal ideation, attempted suicide, suicide planning, self-harm, the death of a sibling, guilt, and blame. Alongside these, the main characters (apart from Shrink) have Anorexia Nervosa and/or Bulimia Nervosa.
The story opens with Stevie on her way to a treatment centre, and follows her journey. This character is written fantastically. From what I understand, this book is an #ownvoices eating disorder story, as there's an author's note in the back that briefly mentions that Meg Haston has been both a therapist and patient. Stevie's struggle is portrayed really realistically, and she felt so real. We really feel where she's at emotionally as she goes from resistive to accepting of how sick she is, with lots of see-sawing on the way.
Identity seems to be a huge part of this book, and (spoiler ahead) Stevie wanted the label of anorexia rather than bulimia. Her explanations as to why really resonated with me and it was at that point where I felt I really understood who she was. She needs the labels because of what they represent in her eyes and in the eyes of others.
Another big theme in this book is toxic relationships. You've got Stevie's fraught relationship with her mother, and also the very controlling and toxic friendship (which becomes something more) between Eden and Stevie. Eden is a fascinating character and I loved how her relationship with Stevie was juxtaposed against the more healthy connection Stevie develops with Ashley at the treatment centre. Stevie's realisation that Ashley wants to be her friend whereas Eden just wants to eclipse her was such a powerful moment.
Overall, this is a great read.
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